Mountain Tracks

History:

In the vast Northwest of the Mushroom Kingdom lay the Tall Tall Mountains, a place rarely traveled by the Mushroom Folk. It is full of dangerous enemies, steep cliffs, and enormous bouncy mushrooms that grow thousands of feet tall. Naturally as the stakes of the Grand Prix increased and more racers vied for their own signature tracks, newcomers were forced to stretch out into this harsh dominion.

Toadette, the power-hungry manipulator that she is, had long hidden in these mountains. It was no surprise then that she owned vast amounts of land to construct the Mushroom Gorge track, which she ran with an evil fungi fist. Lower in the Valley, Daisy established the Daisy Hills track with her own Mitt Romney-like personal wealth. Finally, higher in the mountains Wiggler, piecing together a rudimentary system of nerve impulses he used for a mind, converted his personal home into the Rock Rock Mountain. Along the same chain lay the Shy Guy Metal Mines, which these mysterious people had turned into a profitable business. With anti-gravity technology developed in 2014, the Shy Guys were able to convert this mine into another course, traveling up a previously inaccessible water fall

Wii:

Mushroom Gorge is a fairly simple loop. There are plenty of turns though none of them are that sharp. The greatest hazard here is the boost ramps and Bouncy Mushrooms, which without proper timing can disrupt even experienced drivers. The road also forks into two different paths on two different occasions, although in both cases sticking to the right is a faster option.

The staff ghost is Toadette with a time of 02:16.110 in the Quacker, while her expert goes 02:01.011 in the Mini-Beast. Neither of these vehicles takes advantage of Toadette's greatest strength, her offroad ability, so using just about anyone with good speed and moderate handling like Daisy or Rosalina can beat the pink toadie without a huge issue.

This track returns in 7, where the Ghost this time is Toad. The normal goes a 02:02.292 using the Cloud 9, Mushroom Wheels, and Parafoil, meaning that he'll have a decent mini-turbo and handling, although most of his other stats end up pretty average, especially his speed and acceleration, which is where you can beat him easily on this simple track. The Expert, though, pulls a 01:50.526 using the Pipe Frame, Monster Wheels, and Super Glider. This means Toad will have great offroad (useless here) and above average speed, but terrible handling. Counter that with some Roller or Wood wheels on something fast and you should succeed.

7:

There are two courses in 7 that seem to carry on this Mountain Theme that many Mario Kart Tracks have exhibited, mostly in DK Tracks. Daisy Hills is very reminiscent of Mushroom Gorge, from its steep inclines, wooden dock paths and large gaps.It's also in the Mushroom Cup again and provides the game's first big jump and introduction to the aerial driving that helps to define this game. Other than that, the course is wide, probably with more curves and boosts than a typical Mushroom Cup Track, but nothing intensely difficult.

The Staff Ghost here is Daisy on her eponymous course. She goes a 02:06.351 using the Royal Ribbon, Roller Wheels, and Peach Parasol, which gives her substantial boosts in just about everything except for both land and air speed. Those two crucial components are what can be used to beat her, because there isn't a great need for anything else on this course. The expert uses the same ride with the Sponge Wheels and Super Glider, which means she no longer has a disadvantage in the air and her mini-turbo becomes very good. Sticking with a strong land speed and moderate handling should be fine.

There is also Rock Rock Mountain in 7, which seems to lift directly some parts from Super Mario 64's Tall Tall Mountain. It is actually a relatively simple track with many straightaways, although some tough curves near the start. Rock Rock Mountain is actually the longest original track in the game, which is surprising for a track that closes the Flower Cup. It's also one of the most reliant on air speed. There are multiple big jumps, one of which is deadly - it is greatly beneficial if you survive, but getting hit will lead you to tumble to the path below while others whiz by. There is also a tough vertical track with boosts and rocks that is difficult to avoid, but mostly a straightaway.

The staff ghost is Wiggler at a 02:35.105 using the Standard with Red Monster Wheels and the Super Glider. It's a tough match but the speed can be beat easily by using something like the B Dasher or Bumble V with Wood Wheels and the same Glider. The expert isn't all that better, but he goes a 02:19.149 using the same combination but with the Flower Glider, which increases his air handling at the expense of speed. Stick with a Glider that doesn't slow down that big jump and you'll be fine.

8:

Shy Guy Falls closes out the Flower Cup and contains one of the more relentless vertical sections in the game. There are many tight turns where errors can lead to perilous cliff edges and of course, the eponymous water fall. Going up the falls is difficult if you miss the boost pads, but going down offers a speed increase like the river in Koopa Cape. After that there is an average-sized air section.

The Staff Ghost here is Shy Guy, of course, who goes 2:19.528 using the Flame Rider, Retro Off-Road Wheels, and the Super Glider. The Flame Rider is an excellent choice, but something with more anti-gravity handling such as the Sport Bike may be a good option. Shy Guy may be here because of his strong previous association with desert tracks, and Shy Guy Falls, despite its huge waterfall, seems like it's in some craggy desert canyon.

Toadette

History:

Toadette is a ruthless provocateur who has slutted her way to the top of the Mushroom Kingdom through undeniable ambition and cunning political and personal tactics. She is very young but knew all the right people to sleep with to become a powerful influence on the rule of the Royal Family - namely, Toad. As a child she was a compulsive Musician and Softball Player. She practiced constantly, unhappy with being anything but the very best. She soon turned her whirling dynamo of motivation to the realm of politics and found it dominated by ineffective men like Toad and awkward rulers who had come into Power far before she was ready like Peach, who had no idea how to run a Kingdom. Toadette first flirted with Toad while he was seeking asylum in Yoshi's Island after a recent blunder that let Bowser enter the Kingdom and kidnap the Princess once again. Toad fell in love instantly and invited Toadette back to the castle to be his bride. She refused the wedding but accepted the Castle invite, and has been a Puppet Master ever since. Her guile and wits are matched only by her ability to sleep with anyone who she can't convince to change policy with her serpentine words. Through a systematic process of blackmail and deception she has managed to become more powerful in the Kingdom than Toad himself, whose own impotence politically and sexually has now long hindered his ability for real confidence of any kind.

Double Dash:

Toad is a very sweet girl in Double Dash, which is actually her first appearance ever. She partners with Toad automatically and was clearly shoe-horned into the game because no other Lightweight really meshed with the Mushroom Head. She's really identical to Toad in every way, Double Dash put more emphasis on Kart Selection than Drivers, who only determined the Weight Class of Karts available and Special Items. Each Character though, does have his or her own Signature Kart. Toadette, very creatively, drives the Toadette Kart.

The Toadette Kart is actually very similar to the Toad Kart, with some slight differences. Its real specialty is Acceleration, it reaches its Top Speed faster than any other Vehicle in the game, although the Toad Kart is only 4th. Despite this its speed is very slow, 55 mph, although it retains a good amount of Offroad Speed, one of the highest in the game. It's also the second-lightest in the game, so you've got to count on that Acceleration to get away fast. It handles very similar to the Toad Kart, it's not very bouncy and it loses an average amount of speed on its turns. In general it's pretty good but really with a low speed like that it's only good for Grand Prix, and with a weight like that it's going to get its ass kicked there.

Toadette shares the same Special Item as Toad, the Golden Mushroom, which gives you an infinite amount of Mushroom Boosts for a limited time. This seems awesome but really it can do more harm than good. It will only show up if you're near the back of the crowd, and if you get it on a course with plenty of turns or dangerous edges, it's basically useless as it makes the Kart nearly uncontrollable. On the simpler courses with lots of Offroad and no edges though, it can be handy...except for the fact that you shouldn't be in Last Place on these courses. She's really a better Character for beginners...except that she's a Secret Unlockable Character. Basically Toadette has no purpose in this game. Being a Secret Character she also appears as a Secret Staff Ghost on no tracks.

Wii:

Now here is where Toadette starts to really shine. Wii didn't base its stats on Individuals or on Karts. Instead all Eight Racers in each of the Three Size Classes has access to Six Bikes and Six Karts, all with varying stats. In addition each Racer adds certain Bonuses to each Stat, making for a dizzying number of possible combinations. Of course if you're Toadette, you're choosing the Magikruiser. Toadette gets a +6 Offroad Bonus, tied only with Dry Bowser as the best in the game, as well as a smaller Speed Bonus. When this combines with the Magikruiser, which already has the best Offroad of any Vehicle, you've got an unbeatable combination for taking the path less traveled. Take a look:

Power-hungry whore...

It's the only glaringly obvious choice in the game, so you had better go with it. She can make Moo Moo Meadows, Shy Guy Beach or Dry Dry Ruins the easiest courses you'll encounter. She only has one Staff Ghost though, and it's Mushroom Gorge, obviously a reference to her head. The Normal uses the Quacker in 02:16.110 and the Expert uses the Mini Beast in 02:01.011. Since she doesn't really have stats that support either of these Vehicles that well, it shouldn't be too difficult to beat either of these.