Dry Bowser

History:

During a routine battle with Mario in his Castle, Bowser was knocked into a pit of lava. While normally his thick skin would have protected him, this time Bowser tried to absorb the very power of the pit around him in a last ditch effort to destroy Mario. This proved to be too much for even the Dark Koopa Lord to take on, and Bowser's soul actually passed on to the netherworld but his dark essence was able to survive and reanimate his skeletal structure similar to Dry Bones. Now a soulless monster, Dry Bowser, as he came to be known, terrorized the Mushroom Kingdom and became King of the Dry Bones. Bowser's soul was eventually able to return to a new fresh body provided through the efforts of Bowser, Jr. and Kamek. Now that Dry Bowser and Bowser exist independently of each other, they have entered in an uneasy truce, as Dry Bowser possesses much of memories and abilities of Bowser, tho twisted and demented because he survives only as the product of a Dark Magic Will.

Wii:

Dry Bowser may be the coolest racer in any Mario Kart game and he makes his appearance only in Wii, where he is a Large Class Driver. Each size class in Wii has access to Six Karts and Six Bikes, all of varying stats. Additionally, each character adds his or her own specific bonuses to certain stats. Dry Bowser is a tricky driver. His +6 Off-Road Bonus ties Toadette as the best in the game, although there are far less vehicles available for him to take advantage of. His +6 Mini-Turbo ties Wario, Dry Bones, and Koopa Troopa as the best in the game, which again, is tricky to take advantage of. His specific stats for each vehicle are as follows:

His best ride may be the Phantom, which does have a pretty decent Off-Road, making him able to snake through shortcuts with ease as well as making mistakes or accidents that send him into the rough a little more forgiving. If there's a course without this advantage though, such as Rainbow Road or Toad's Factory, either the Honeycoupe or Shooting Star with his superior Drift, Speed, and especially Mini-Turbo can be deadly.

Dry Bowser has two Staff Ghosts in Time Trials. His first and arguably signature course is Grumble Volcano, a course literally succumbing to the Lake of Lava it rests in mirrors his own twisted existence. He does a 02:28.237 in the Offroader, while the Expert switches to the Spear and goes 02:11.852. The Offroader, despite providing his great Off-Road advantage, is not nearly fast enough for Time Trials, and the Spear doesn't really take advantage of his strengths, although it is very fast. His other Ghost is on the Retro Bowser Castle 3, which has no Off-Road at all, so it robs him of that advantage. The Normal goes 02:58.304 in the Standard Kart L and the expert goes 02:39.391 in the Flame Runner. It's an exceedingly difficult course but Dry Bowser in the Flame Runner isn't the best option, play to whatever speed or handling strength you have and take him down.

Bowser Jr.

History:

Bowser has sired children all over the Koopa Kingdom, very rarely with the same mother. He adores all his children however, and collectively the first seven, all born in the early-to-mid 80s are collectively known as the Koopalings. All of these youngsters, however, were generally spoiled, retarded, eccentric, lazy or generally just not how Bowser pictured his heir. Soon after the first Grand Prix though, Bowser sired an eighth child. Not seeking to see this one grow up spoiled and lazy in the castle, Bowser made him live on the Northern Fringes of Dark Land under the watch of the Silent Shy Guy Army and the ever-presence of Kamek, Bowser's most loyal Magician and Major Domo. Bowser Jr. grew to be ruthless and almost as adept at magic as his old man. When the time came on this Tenth Birthday, they struck against Mario together, with Bowser Jr. leading the charge. They failed but afterwards seeing his son coming in to his own, Bowser invited him into the Castle, eventually giving him the entire East Wing, or what remained of the Course from the 1997 Grand Prix.

Since then Bowser Jr. has always been at his father's side, although his influence has been largely laughable. He doesn't own any tracks wholly by himself, nor does he have much capital or political power to throw around. As long as Bowser lives, he will always exist in his shadow, but due to his Father's negligence for the first Decade of his life Bowser Jr. is always seeking to prove himself, creating one of Bowser's Most Loyal Servants. In his own twisted way Bowser created one of the more dangerous Weapons in his Army in his own son.

Double Dash:

After Bowser Jr. first appeared in Super Mario Sunshine he showed up here in Double Dash as a default partner for Bowser. It's interesting that although Bowser Jr. is certainly just a miniature version of Bowser, unlike Baby Mario or Baby Luigi he is a distinct Character, not just a baby version (although that exists as well). In fact, Bowser Jr. has much more in common than Baby Mario does with Mario. He is basically the Lightweight version of Bowser (as Diddy is to Donkey Kong). The major character distinction in Double Dash are only weight classes and Special Items. Differences in racing comes mostly from Karts, each character having his or her own Signature Ride.

Bowser Jr. drives the Bullet Blaster, which in general is awful. It acts very much like a Heavy Kart although it is in fact the Lightest Kart in the game, meaning it's going to get trashed. It has one of the highest Top Speeds at 58 mph, and as the 12th fastest Accelerating Kart it actually is the fastest to reach this speed, although only the Barrel Train accelerates slower among Light Karts. Despite this it has the worst Offroad, turn speed and shocks of any Light Kart, and is one of the worst overall in all these areas. I've never found a lot of use for this, but its decent Acceleration and excellent Speed should count for something even though it's severely lacking in every other area.

Bowser Jr. is one of three pairs to have the same item but exist in a different Weight Class (the others being Diddy and Donkey as well as Wario and Waluigi), which can be useful. His Item is the Bowser Shell, which shoots out just as large as his Father's. It's a dangerous Item to use. It's best on straightaways where it will decimate anyone ahead, but against a wall or on a curve there's a supremely good chance it will bounce back and hit you. It's also very effective when shot backwards, meaning it's a bit better to get while near the lead. It is avoidable though if misplaced, something like the Koopas' Triple Shells can be a bit more efficient.

Bowser Jr. is also the only character in the game not to have a personal track where he takes the lead during the Secret Staff Ghosts in Time Trials. He does ride behind Bowser on Bowser Castle though. Using the Koopa King they whip up a time of 2:44:690.

Wii:

In Wii, each Driver was separated into three different Size Classes and within those classes had access to Six Bikes and Six Karts, each with its own set of specific Stats. In addition, each Character added his or her own Bonuses to each Stat, creating a wide array of different possible Racing Styles. Bowser Jr., along with Diddy Kong, moved from a Lightweight to a Middle Class driver. He also has one of the poorest sets of Bonuses in the game, making him pretty useless. He gets +3 Mini Turbo that is met or beaten by Daisy, Diddy and Birdo in his Size Class as well as a +3 Offroad that is met or beaten by Birdo and Yoshi. Since Birdo gets superior Bonuses in the same categories as well as a +3 Weight Bonus she's basically a better version of Bowser Jr., meaning there is no reason to use him ever. Here are Bowser Jr.'s Specific Stats:

Bowser Jr. doesn't have any Karts explicitly associated with him. The closest may be the Super Blooper which changes to a different colour only when he rides it, or the Zip Zip, which has Stats similar to the Phantom, which is associated with Dry Bowser (I know, that might be stretching it, folks). Both of these Vehicles actually do well with his meager Bonuses. Other than that, he can succeed in the Dolphin Dasher, but in general he should just be avoided.

Bowser Jr. only appears as a Staff Ghost on one track in this game, but it's the Final Track, so that's something significant. He rides the Standard Kart M on the Retro N64 Bowser's Castle in 03:19.323. The Expert switches to the Sneakster and goes 02:55.933. Bowser Jr.'s logo also appears on Moonview Highway for some reason, although he doesn't really seem to have any connection with that track.

Bowser

History:

No one is exactly sure where Bowser came from or how long he has been around, or even if the Bowser from the Past is the same as the Bowser of today. It is widely thought that the Darkening of the Koopa Kingdom in the mid-19th Century had something to do with the Dark Magic of Lord Bowser but there is no Historical Documentation to back this up. Due to Bowser's Turtle Nature as well as his proficiency in Dark Magic it is possible that he is hundreds of years old.

What is known is that Bowser started reworking the Giant Castle of the Koopa Kingdom in the early 1970s. Suddenly his images were everywhere and he and his offspring have definitively controlled every aspect of life in the Kingdom ever since. It is now colloquially known as Dark Land and residents face compulsory military service, little arable land and Loyalty Oaths to Lord Bowser with severe consequences. He has launched numerous campaigns to conquer the peaceful nearby Mushroom Kingdom but to no avail.

In order to shelter most of Dark Land from the intrusion of Outsiders but still wanting to field a track to compete with his enemy Mario in the Cups, Bowser outfitted his own Home, Bowser's Castle into a course, completed in 1991. He has tried in vain to win the affections of Princess Peach and is known for some of the most excessive Karts and Racing Styles in All the Cups. While he maintains a temporary truce with his enemies he hates losing.

Super:

In SMK Bowser is one of the only Heavyweights, statistically equal to DK Jr. They make up a class called "The Showdown," one of Four Classes between the Eight Characters. He has very High Weight and Speed but terrible acceleration and handling. As a computer some of his Fire Power comes into play and he will throw Balls of Lava at other players. Under the SMK Rival Order, which would rank how all the other Karts would finish if Bowser was in first, the computers in Grand Prix finish Mario, Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, DK Jr, Toad, then Koopa. You can see that Bowser is most friendly to Koopa and has the worst time with Mario. All the Bowser Castle stages are his namesake.

64:

Bowser is pretty awful in 64. He's a monster on the course but his acceleration is so terrible, if anything knocks him around he's history. He's still big enough though that no other Racer will be able to bump him out. Once he gets going his steering can be stiff, which is beneficial in that he's not going to slip and spin out uncontrollably on the course. He's definitely planted where he is. He's also not bouncing around but will lose a ton of speed off his jumps.

Super Circuit:

Bowser intimidates foes by driving backwards.

Super Circuit differentiated a bit between Bowser and the other Heavyweights, Kong and Wario. While they were a little lighter and faster, Bowser had his weight stat completely maxed out at the expense of terrible speed. He thus rules over all other Karts. Conceivably he could knock everyone out at the start and then coast the rest of the way, but the game is far too unpredictable for that to happen. Stay away from Bowser in these two games.

Double Dash:

In Double Dash the Individual Racers didn't matter as much as the Karts. Each of the Twenty Drivers had a Specific Kart and Item (there was also the Parade Kart, making 21 total Vehicles) that anyone of the same Weight Class could use. Bowser's Ride is the Koopa King, which is a monstrously big Kart that hits everything in its path, be it Star or Banana. It's also got some insane stats. It's tied for 1st with many of the other Heavy Karts (along with Luigi's Green Fire and Bowser Jr.'s Bullet Blaster) in speed at 58 mph as well as 1st in weight. Bowser is almost always unknockable, no one is pushing the Koopa King around.

Hail, Lord Bowser

All this sounds great until you see its Acceleration which ranks 19th, taking 3.214 to go from 0 to 40 mph. It is also the single worst Offroad Kart in the game, barely revving it to 27 mph on the slightest patch of grass. Note that for its size it actually doesn't have the worst Acceleration and its handling while trademarked stiff, its not bouncy at all and loses only a moderate amount of speed on turns. In this sense it is probably one of the better Heavy Karts around, or at least gives the most for your money.

Each Driver also has a Special Item that only they receive. Bowser is identical to Donkey Kong in that they both have a partner with the same Item who is a Lightweight. There are only three such pairs in the game, the other being the Third Heavyweight from 64 (Heavy Wario is paired with Middleweight Waluigi). Thus Bowser Jr. also uses Bowser's Item, making him a good option for anyone seeking a Bowser-like character in anything lighter than the Heavy Class. Their Item is the Bowser Shell, a monstrously huge Shell that looks like it came from one of his Giant Incarnations that races across the Track and destroys everyone. It is notoriously dangerous to throw it in front because it can bounce backwards fast and take you out but on straightaways or behind it is pretty useful. It's only issue is that you can't control it once released and as such will damage you as much as anyone else. Baby Park is a deadly place to drop these.

Bowser and Bowser Jr. are the only Double Dash characters to only have a single Secret Staff Ghost. Their track is Bowser Castle at 2:44:690 with the Koopa King. They missed out on another signature track because Mario and Peach took Rainbow Road. What a shame for Lord Bowser, but could you really see Rainbow Road being the Track for Bowser Jr? Hell no.

DS:

For the DS each of the Twelve Main Characters had three Karts to use initially. Basically everyone has a Standard Kart with average stats, one with slightly worse stats but an excellent Item Rating that is useful for getting good Items in Grand Prix or Mushrooms in Time Trials and finally one Kart with pretty awesome stats except for Items that is useful if you can get ahead and win by Racing. The only stat that Racers really affect Karts is their weight, in this case, Bowser adds 3.5 to the weight of all his rides, tied with R.O.B. as the heaviest in the game. Bowser's Karts are as follows:

There's a few notable things here. Bowser's Hurricane is one of only two Karts to get a perfect 10 Speed rating, the other being ROB's ROB-BLS. His Drift is decent as his is weight (unranked here), but his acceleration and handling are terrible. In essence, Bowser has very similar stats to his SMK appearance. He also has three Staff Ghosts in the game. His two from the Nitro Grand Prix both use the Hurricane. He completes Airship Fortress in a 2:07:748 and Bowser Castle in 2:19:661, the longest of any track in this game. The Ariship Fortress association like comes from the fact that many of Bowser's schemes have involved Mobile Oppression Palaces, such as the Koopa Clown Car. He also has a Ghost on the Retro Bowser Castle 2 from Super Circuit, using the Standard BW in 1:52:258.

Wii:

Wii merged the Double Dash and DS idea of Kart-specific racing with with the earlier idea of Character-specific racing. The Twenty-Four characters are sorted into Three different Size Classes, each of which may choose between Six Karts and Six Bikes. Each Vehicle has slightly different stats and in addition each Character adds Bonuses to different stats in different areas. The combinations are mindboggling. Bowser gets a Weight Bonus, of course, along with a small Speed and Drift Bonus. Here are the Bowser-Specific Stats for Every Kart he can use in Wii:

Bowser has strong associations with both the Flame Flyer Kart and the Flame Runner Bike, the later of which bears his mug. Both are Fiery Vehicles that are exceptionally fast with decent Drift but no Acceleration, Handling or Offroad. That's Bowser exactly. He's also got some association with the Piranha Prowler, maybe because it's modeled after one of his underlings, but also because when he sits in it he becomes the Heaviest Combo in the Game. Bowser only has one Ghost in the game, on the longest Original Track, Bowser's Castle, he uses the Piranha Prowler in 03:04.836. The Expert on the same track switches to the Flame Runner and a burns a blisteringly fast 02:42.098.

Bowser Castles

History:

Deep within the Koopa Kingdom, otherwise known as Dark Land the Castle of the Great Lord Bowser looms over all else. While the sky is in a permanent thunderstorm and the land is full of ash, dead trees and lava, the Keep is where Bowser extends his dominion. The Castle itself was erected in the Dark Ages, sometime around 600 CE. No one knows exactly when Bowser inherited it, it's actually more likely that he wrested control of it from its previous occupant sometime in the early 1970s and quickly slapped his name on it as well as plenty of statues and other signifiers of his Cult of Personality. although Bowser has continually modernized it, filling it with mechanical versions of himself and other fusions of technology and magic to make alive plenty of Danger. When Mario obtained the Mario Circuit in the late 1980s, Bowser was not to be undone. The first Circuit retrofitted throughout the Keep was completed in 1991 and with the massive Koopa Troop backing its construction and filling the venue it has never been unpopular, regardless of their actual opinions.

Super:

Bowser Castle 3, Pit of Despair

Bowser's Castle has the most incarnations of any Course in Mario Kart History, a nod to the excess and insanity of Bowser Himself. SMK has three versions of the track, all of which are the penultimate tracks in the first three Cups. Each Bowser Castle precedes a Mario Circuit. Each one features a stone raceway lying in a pit of lava. Not unlike the Ghost Tracks, there is no Offroading here. Even for the Mushroom Cup there are plenty of twists and turns, usually 90° and there are gaps in the track that necessitate a jump over lava in every Course. These tracks seem to be in the belly of the Castle, perhaps in the Deepest Pit so that the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom couldn't see what he was plotting upstairs. There are also attacking Thwomps. Ouch. All of these had another run in Super Circuit, although they were reformatted from the 5-Track/4-Cup system into a 4-Track/5-Cup one. All these tracks feature basically a series of linked straightaways connected by hairpin turns, which would favour the driving styles of Koopa or Toad.

64:

Bowser's Castle (note the changing possessive as we go along here) is the final Race in the Star Cup of 64. This time we're out of the basement and zooming all over the Castle, from the courtyard to a...Thwomp Prison of some kind, to a rickety Lava Bridge, a grand hall, another courtyard and finally the Castle Roof. Bowser seems to have infused his presence throughout the grounds, perhaps by some Dark Magic. His laugh may be heard echoing throughout the walls during the last lap or when a Drive gets a bit too close to his Statue.

This is a great course, it's a no brainer that it comes back in Wii as the Final Retro Course. It's actually the longest Retro Course, 64 was notorious for its long Races. The Normal Staff Ghost is Bowser, Jr who clocks in at 03:19.323 using the Standard Kart M. The Expert version uses the Nitrocycle in 02:55.933. This is a difficult course, there aren't many obvious straightaways to pick up speed, and there's enough danger around the 90° turns that handling is vital. Pick someone who has both Handling and Drift bonuses. And that would be...Mario? That works.

Super Circuit:

Super Circuit features even more Bowser Castles, one for every Cup but the Lightning Cup. This time Bowser Castle serves as the Final Race in Each except for the Special Cup wherein it's the penultimate track again. This has actually set a nice little trend - a Bowser Castle track has preceded Rainbow Road in each following game. The Thwomps return for all these tracks. Bowser Castle 1 seems to take place in the Bowels of the Keep again. Bowser Castle 2 is in some Great Hall with a massive statue of the Koopa King looming over the Racers. Bowser Castle 3 takes place on the roof, which is still across a giant lake of lava. It's possible that Bowser Castle 3 is some separate Courtyard on the Grounds in the Valley of Bowser. The Fourth and Final Bowser Castle in this game goes back into the Underground with some strange background that suggests some...Giant Fire Octopus or something. This is possibly the most complicated Bowser Castle Track up to this point. They usually actually tend to be relatively simple, just filled with tons of danger.

Bowser Castle 2 made a reappearance as a Retro Track in DS. The Staff Ghost is Bowser, obviously, in the Standard BW with a time of 1:52:258. Bowser Castle 3 came back for Wii, where the Normal Ghost is Dry Bowser in the Standard Kart L at 02:58.304, the Expert uses the Bowser Bike in 02:39.391. Finally and fittingly, Bowser Castle 1 came back in Mario Kart 7 with very little changes, and is also the only track from Super Circuit in the game. The Ghost here is back to Bowser where the Normal goes 01:31.030 using the Pipe Frame, Standard Wheels, and the Ghastly Glider, leaving much to be desired. The Expert goes 01:22.221 using the Koopa Clown, Roller Tires, and Super Glider, a far better combination, although for once Bowser is excelling at handling, not speed. It's interesting that these Super Circuit Tracks have been remade but nothing from SMK has made a subsequent appearance, outside of the Super Circuit redo.

Double Dash:

The Double Dash Bowser Castle is a doozy. It's again the penultimate course in the game and features racing through a Grand Hallway, Thwomp Danger, down to the deepest parts of the Castle and then up to the highest roof. Not content with a Statue of himself that breathed fire but didn't pose a threat to Racers in 64, the Giant Bowser Statue near the end of the course belches a constant stream of Fireballs at any slow-witted Driver here. There is also a vast moat of eery purple water, probably full of excess pollutants from the industrial sections of Dark Land as well as a continuous thunderstorm, tho no rain falls. It's most likely heat lightning due to all the industry and lava everywhere.

Double Dash had Secret Staff Ghosts for every track, one for each Initial Character as Lead Driver...except Bowser Jr. Shame. Anyway the Ghost here is Bowser/Bowser Jr in the Koopa King at 2:44:690. Like all the Castle courses, acceleration and handling are the keys to avoiding obstacles. I'd pick Boo Pipes, any lighter Kart is just going to get destroyed.

DS:

This game might get the prize for most ridiculous Bowser Castle. It is actually a basic loop with only a few smaller loops but there are some alternative paths, high and low, left and right as well as hardly any solid land at all. It has its drivers zooming across rotating metal cylinders, huge moving platforms and spinning rooms. Roughly the first half of the Race is indoors through another Thwomp Hallway and up some stairs. We don't see any dungeons here, most of the track flows through rooftops, courtyards and a gargantuan lake of lava outdoors. Find a Kart with weight enough not to doesn't bounce around and can get some speed to handle both all the jumps and the many straightaways. Perhaps Bowser himself in the Hurricane or DK in the Wildlife is the way to go. The Time Trial Staff Ghost here actually is Bowser again, this time in the Hurricane at 2:19:661.

Wii:

Bowser's Castle (are you paying attention to the possessive, yet?) for Wii is deceptively simple if one looks at the map alone. It seems like just two long corridors connected by some light turns, right? Neither straightaway can be properly taken advantage of - the first is a huge half-pipe with boosts and a giant fireball-breathing mechanical Bowser at the end of it. The second, which includes the starting point is full of lava geysers that swell and erupt at random. There's really an epic feel to this one, though. The hallways are massive and literally bend and shake as the Drivers fly through them. Most of it seems unlike the Bowels of Super Circuit or the Open Air of DS. It's very much directly the spiritual successor of the 64 Version. Actually only this and the 64 Version are called Bowser's Castle, hinting that these are the only ones he lives at. The rest are Bowser Castles, implying the name Bowser is a descriptor rather than a signifier of ownership. This is the only track that runs through a character's house, there has never been a Peach Circuit within Peach's Castle. I guess she just doesn't want tons of crazy Racers and Fans in her house. Bowser doesn't really care. This is definitely a Wii-influenced track, there is way too much craziness going on for this to be replicated on any other system the way, say, Moo Moo Meadows could have been. The carpet is also very nice.

The Normal Staff Ghost here is the Big Man, Bowser himself. He set a time of 03:04.836 in the Piranha Prowler, then the Expert did a 02:42.098 in the Bowser Bike. As such it's the second longest Original Track in the game (Rainbow Road's Ghost takes two seconds longer). There is one longer Retro Track though - the 64 Bowser's Castle.

These guys are brutal.

7:

Bowser's Castle returns as the penultimate course in Mario Kart 7. It uses much of the land, sea, and air travel that characterizes the game. It begins with a journey into the Dark Lord's mouth and then the paths split like they usually do, but this time both vertically and horizontally. There are plenty of Thwomps again, but this may be the most organic of any Bowser Castle. There are less hard angular turns and more caverns and wide paths, although bordered by lava. There aren't any courtyards or trees this time around, but there remains the enormous lava moat towards the end of the course as well as more mountainous terrain than has been seen previously. There's also a spinning tunnel reminiscent of the DS version. As far as length, it's the second-longest original track in the game to Rock Rock Mountain.

The Normal Time Trial Ghost here is again Bowser, who goes 02:34.815 using the Standard, Monster Tires, and Super Glider. The Expert switches to the Blue Seven, Red Monster Tires, and the Ghastly Glider in 02:15.244. This is a well-balanced option but still lacks Sea Speed. The same Kart with Roller Wheels can counter this without losing the high land speed he has.

8:

In 8 the version of Bowser's Castle is similar to the Wii version but everything is amped up. Everything is maxed out. Just look at the façade. There is this progression of the Bowser statue, too - in 64 there was a stationary statue in the first courtyard blowing fire that couldn't really hit you. In Double Dash there was a giant statue that moved left to right spitting fireballs during the last section of track. Wii had an enormous mechanical Bowser that would also spit fireballs, this time during a long half-pipe that eventually split. 8 features a fully animated half-stone / half-lava Bowser that punches the split anti-gravity track, causing it to wobble and yes, annihilate any forlorn racer caught in the way.

The entry way is also very similar to Wii, although it forgoes a split path (see: Twisted Mansion) but has many right angle turns down stairs that are really familiar. On the second lap it adds lasers though, you know, to stay on your toes. There are also tremendous vertical anti-gravity portions with jumps and fireballs and swinging pendulums. It ends with a bit of a cliffside portion that is really similar to any post-Double Dash Bowser's Castle, but also includes a significant air jump across a hazardous, lava-spewing lake. Good luck.

The Ghost here is Bowser, in the Badwagon with Standard Tires and the Super Glider, pulling in at 2:23.872. This is kind of a bizarre pick, not only does he avoid the Bowser Kite, which seems fitting, but the Badwagon is most useful as an underwater vehicle with decent traction. Bowser himself has always been designed around Speed without use for much else and something like the Sports Coupe and Monster Tires would seem more up his alley. Anyway, you can target these or plenty of other Karts to get a speedy edge on the Dark Lord.