Birdo

History:

Birdo was once a General in the Grand 8 Bit Army of Wart, an evil presence to attempted to wrest control of the Kingdom of Subcon, a world that may interact with the Mushroom Kingdom through Dreams, tho there is a Physical Secret Passage between worlds. Wart attempted a few more insurrections but has never recovered the power he once had and hasn't been a presence in Subcon for the past decade. In his absence Birdo has branched out on her own and found a niche in some of the Sports Events of the Mushroom Kingdom. Naturally getting close to the only other Dinosaur, Yoshi, she has partnered with him a few times and he even gave her a Racecourse, the Dry Dry Desert. Considering her Apparent Gender Crisis, Yoshi's flirtation with her is all the more alarming.

Double Dash:

Birdo first appeared as a Regular Character in Double Dash, teamed up with Yoshi. Her Kart is Unlockable, though. Double Dash put more importance on Karts that players would choose rather than the characters. Birdo is a Middleweight and basically the same as Yoshi except that her Special Item is a Pink Birdo Egg rather than the Green Yoshi Egg. These Special Items were also the only difference between Characters.

Birdo's Ride is the Turbo Birdo. As Middle Karts go it's one of the worst Offroaders, and it's also one of the Bounciest Karts in the game, meaning that for courses with Big Jumps it loses a ton of speed. It also doesn't have great Acceleration tho at 14th overall it beats the Mario Bros. Karts. It succeeds in a decent 57 mph Top Speed and is the 5th Heaviest Kart in the game, #1 among Middle Karts. All in all it's really not that great, there are better options to choose from.

Birdo's Item is the Egg, and it has the same effect as Yoshi. It's beneficial in that 2nd or 3rd Place position because it will seek out the Kart ahead like a Red Shell. When it hits, three Random Items will pop out that could have beneficial or disastrous consequences. The Items range from Shells to Mushrooms to Stars and Bob-ombs. If one of the negative Items emerges and devastates a competitor, all the better. Likewise if you can time it to receive a Star close to 1st place. The opposite may also be true, however. Your competitor could get Mushrooms and Stars after being hit and you end up with a Bob-omb in your face. It's a gambit using this character, it can be pretty good or turn out awful.

Double Dash had Secret Staff Ghosts to be unlocked in Time Trials. Birdo takes the Lead on Dry Dry Desert with a time of 1:50:755. She reverses with Yoshi and sits in the back during his Yoshi Circuit a bit later, with a time of 1:59:886. Both use the Turbo Yoshi. This is the only Staff Ghost of Birdo Ever.

Wii:

How is there debate over what this thing is

Birdo doesn't come back again until Wii, and she's still pretty useless. She's one of the easier characters to unlock, but there's no reason to ever really use her. Wii took Kart-Specific stats a step further and implemented Six Custom Bikes and Six Custom Karts for Eight Characters in each Size Class. Birdo is in the Middle Class, giving her access to some Cherry Rides. Each Character also got added Bonuses in each stat, making the game very individualised. Birdo gets a small Weight and Offroad Bonus but a hefty Mini-Turbo, meaning she's ideal for timing Drifts to cut Offroad Corners. Her biggest Bonus is identical to Diddy's though, who with a Drift and Acceleration Bonus as well, makes him more suited for Driving how Birdo should drive. Also, who can pick Birdo over Diddy? Birdo also shares similar but superior stats to Bowser Jr. Here are her Specific Stats for Each Kart and Bike available to her:

Her best Vehicle is probably the Zip Zip. Birdo, amazingly is the only Character in Wii not to have any Staff Ghosts. None. At all. She has no signature track, no signature vehicle, how did she get in this game anyway?

Stadium Tracks

History:

The first Wario Stadium opened up in 1995 in the Mushroom Kingdom. Wario used the dirt track for all kinds of extreme sports and then adapted it to Kart Racing, designing the course himself. In typical fashion it's huge, long and twisted. He later changed it once again for another Grand Prix Competition. When Wario met Waluigi they soon saw eye to eye on numerous endeavours, and Waluigi also started building Stadiums, mostly with Wario's money. Thus Wario was the backer for many of Waluigi's projects until he started making some coin of his own through his Sports Appearances and his Waluigi Pinball enterprise. Despite neither hailing from the Mushroom Kingdom all their Stadiums are located there, the local government sees their presence as intrusions, but the populace that actually gets a chance to watch races in a large venue for once instead of sitting on a fence rail has been very supportive. This has further lined Wario and Waluigi's pockets.

64:

This is another trend that started with MK64. Though there had been plenty of Dirt Tracks before, and the Choco Tracks are their forerunner, no other Tracks are in confined Stadiums like this. This is what we're narrowing down to. Even though Wario Colosseum may be the natural extension (and from there Waluigi Pinball and Wario's Gold Mine), we're talking about limited, dirt-road, confined courses. Wario Stadium 64 is an incredibly long course full of huge jumps, tight turns and some deadly drops that set you back rather than require Lakitu's Help. There are also some very wide portions here which allow for perfect drifting. This is one course that may favour a heavyweight you can drift well and not bounce all over the place, like DK or Wario himself. Each Stadium Track appears in a different cup, this one opens up the Star Cup.

Double Dash:

Waluigi carried on the spirit in Double Dash. The Track itself is simpler and much less lengthy but still has the requisite number of jumps, twists and tough angles. There are Boost Pads for the first time along with a deceptive straightaway filled with giant wooden moving Piranha Plants and Spinning Firebars. The course shows its greater simplicity by closing out the Flower Cup this edition. It's also one of the only Sunset Tracks. Waluigi drives the Wario Car with Wario in the backseat for the Secret Staff Ghost. He goes a 1:59:658, noticeably shorter than the first Wario Stadium.

This course came back in Wii and it's the only Stadium Track to appear in that game. There are some notable additions, including Dash Panels in the Piranha Plant half-pipe and a reverse order of the Plants appearing. Waluigi Stadium is actually distinct from the Wario Stadiums in that its edges slope up to the sidewalls, allowing for some perfect boost turning and tricks (a likely reason it was included in Wii). The Normal Ghost here is Waluigi in the Standard Bike L at 02:32.882, the Expert uses the Piranha Prowler in 02:12.367.

DS:

A different Wario Stadium appears in DS, joining Mario Circuit, Luigi Circuit, Bowser's Castle and Sherbert Land as the only different signature tracks to appear in different games. This time it contains a much simpler in layout despite its appearance in the Special Cup.The DS Special Cup also included Peach Gardens, though, so it's not out of the ordinary that it's not that crazy of a course. It's not an egregiously long course but does feature a bit more mud than other Stadium Tracks, though Waluigi Stadium had a good amount, just not directly on the Kart Path. Thus there's actually some nasty Offroad here for the first time, though it can't really be used for Shortcuts. There are also Boost Panels and Firebars reminiscent of Waluigi Stadium. The walls are steep though, which makes for some tougher turns. Every Stadium Track has some overloop and the same goes for this one. Wario, using the Brute clocks in as the Staff Ghost in h 2:14:868. I think you can get away with Speed and Handling, pick Luigi's Poltergust 4000 or Waluigi's Gold Mantis.

Princess Daisy

History:

Daisy hails from the far-off Sarasaland where she rules with peace and justice, although she may hardly be found on her throne, instead she continually trounces off with her Mushroom Kingdom friends, leaving the actual Governance of Sarasaland to more capable people. She is more of a Figurehead than Princess Peach and her Royal Duties lessened, she has embarked on many Entrepreneurial Opportunities. Her biggest venture has been her Cruise Line, which jets across the wide Seas of Mushroom World and has made her independently wealthy. She recently used some of this money to purchase a spot of land on Isle Delfino opposite Peach Beach where she has made a very popular Seaside Racecourse.

Daisy has some interesting relationships among the other racers. As she was casual friends with Peach, seeing her at Mushroom World Leaders Conferences and so forth, it was only natural that she'd meet her beau Mario and be introduced to his brother, Luigi, which was a natural fit. Waluigi, however, also obsesses over her, although Wario's involvement in using the Alien Tatanga to attempt to conquer Sarasaland puts a strain on their relationship. Still, Daisy Circuit and Waluigi Stadium are the only Sunset Courses named after a character. Just sayin'.

Double Dash:

Daisy is a playable character from the outset of Double Dash and is Peach's default partner. She is identical to Peach in every way, but still makes for some interesting Partnerships. Like the Daisy/Bowser? What the hell is going on there? Anyway, Double Dash didn't put as much emphasis on the Drivers as it did on individual Karts. Drivers basically determined the Weight Class along with the Special Item while Karts determined the rest. Daisy drives the Bloom Coach, which is pretty decent.

The Bloom Coach has the best shocks and nearly the best Turn Speed of all the Middle Karts. It's also on the faster side at 57 mph. It also has the Best Acceleration of all Middle Karts although it's 8th over all. Its only issues is that it's also the lightest Middle Kart (14th over all) and its Offroad is terrible. Still, it's about as close to a Light Kart as a Middleweight is going to get, so that's worth something.

Daisy's Special Item is the Heart, which is pretty unique. It's purely defensive. Once activated, two Hearts will circle the Vehicle and pick up any item the Driver runs over. This includes Giant Bananas and Bowser Shells. It will however, also pick up Mushrooms and Stars lying on the track instead of instantly boosting from them. It's also tough because you'll only acquire the Item if neither racer has one already, otherwise a Heart is used but you get nothing. Except you don't spin out. So it's pretty good.

There were Secret Staff Ghosts in Double Dash. Daisy appears behind her partner Peach on Peach Beach with a time of 1:20:404 and then takes the lead on Daisy Cruiser at 1:52:207. Both utilize Peach's Heart Coach.

DS:

Daisy appears as an unlockable Character in DS. The major difference between characters here are their weights and Daisy adds 1 to each of her rides, tied with Peach in being in between the lightest characters and Mario and Luigi as Middleweights. DS featured an insistence on Karts rather than Drivers, although their weights still influenced who could push around who. Each Character initially had two Karts with another unlockable, but eventually any Character could use any Kart, which is staggering. The Stats for Daisy's Vehicles are as follows:

Her Karts naturally have excellent Drifting abilities and fair Speed and Acceleration but below-average Handling. Daisy has some interesting Ghosts in this game. Her Nitro Track is on Tick-Tock Clock at 1:54:903 in her Light Dancer. I really think they just ran out of Courses for Characters and so they stuck her here, she has no other connection to Tick-Tock Clock, a course based on a game she had no part of. She's also in the Retro Sky Garden from Super Circuit at 1:44:400 in the Power Flower. Again, she didn't appear in Super Circuit and has no real place in Sky Garden. Then again, that Track is weird enough that any connection to it is a bit strange. Really that could be a Paratroopa Course and nothing else.

Wii:

Wii compiled the DS idea of Kart-Specific Stats with the earlier ideas of Character-Specific Stats and debuted Six Karts and Six Bikes for each Size Class, each with different statistics along with Stat Bonuses that adjusted all of these for each Character. Daisy is actually one of the better Racers in the game. She gets +2 Handling and +3 Drift which are decent but she really flies with her +4 Speed Bonus, one of the highest in the game. The stats specifically tuned to her are as follows:

Her best ride is probably the Mach Bike or the B Dasher Mk 2, two Rides that really take advantage of her ability to Zoom. Wii also has some Staff Ghosts here that are a bit more fitting for her character. She races the Coconut Mall in 02:30.764 (wait...is that really a Shopping thing?) in the Sugarscoot and then her own Daisy Circuit with the Royal Racer in 01:56.822. The Expert Ghosts go 02:13.333 in the Wild Wing and 01:41.362 in the Mach Bike respectively.

Highway Tracks

History:

The Mushroom Innerkingdom Highway System was completed in 1954, which finally linked the many distant parts of the Kingdom together and allowed for both the many Adventures of Mario and Luigi as well as opportunities for Competition. Unlike ever before residents could travel across the lands and get to new places, most of which had new Race Tracks springing up as the Sport grew in popularity. As such, many of the power players from around the Mushroom World bought up land to make a Course or two, that is, except for Toad.

Toad was Consigliere to the Toadstool Royal Family and as such was forbidden to put his own money down to purchase land for commercial purposes. It was simply a conflict of interest. In order to get in on the Racing Action though, Toad was able to use certain portions of Public Roads as Race Tracks. It was a dangerous move, as he didn't shut the Highways down while doing this. In order to properly manage the tracks, many are close to his home of Mushroom City, tho some are also near his workplace, Peach's Castle.

64:

64 was again the initiator of this Track Trend. Toad's Turnpike opened up the Flower Cup which would be a common place for these kinds of tracks. It's virtually just a figure 8 with some hills that gently slope up and down along with some heavy traffic. The cars are a killer but it's really the big trucks that are very tricky to pass, especially when they pull up next to each other. The meridians are safe, but with 64's steering it's tough to stay there. There aren't any tough turns and plenty of straightaways, but you're never really going straight because there's a constant need to dodge other vehicles. Acceleration and handling are the absolute keys to all the Highway Tracks. In terms of geography, all of these are pretty close together, Toad's Turnpike is likely a highway leading into Mushroom City

Double Dash:

Super Circuit didn't have any Highway Tracks but Double Dash added two in Mushroom Bridge and Mushroom City. Mushroom Bridge is the rare Highway Track that takes place during the day. It's a bit more suburban than the hustle and bustle of the city and includes a huge bridge that has some nasty boosts but is cool if successful. Atop the bridge you can see Peach's Castle off in the distance, indicating that it's somewhat closer to the Heart of the Mushroom Kingdom. Mushroom Bridge again leads off the Flower Cup and is a pretty simple course, mostly a big loop with some curves through some tunnels, but again, the traffic, including a couple Bomb Karts makes it tricky, although this may be the most mildly dangerous one. Since no unlockable Character has a Secret Staff Ghost, the Ghost on this track is Koopa with Paratroopa in tow riding the Koopa Dasher in 1:31:458. It does return in DS however with Toad in the Mushmellow driving a  1:30:600.

From the Bridge we move on to the City, which is the only Highway Track to ever be in the Star Cup. It's actually pretty similar in construction to Toad's Turnpike, tho the overpass is a bit longer and there are multiple paths to take, although only the Secret Cut-Through Route is the smart one. It's also the only course that's featured in another course as Double Dash's Rainbow Road takes place in the skies above this City. For the Secret Staff Ghost, Paratroopa switches places with Koopa but stays in the Koopa Dasher with a time of 1:50:663. Again, the traffic here really isn't terrible to deal with (except for the Final On-Ramp) and the turns aren't really awful. If you drive on the edge of the wall you can avoid most of the Bigger Vehicles, I think you can go for Speed on this one, using something like the Piranha Pipes.

DS:

Shroom Ridge exists on the outskirts of Mushroom City and definitely contains the most complex course layout of the Highway Tracks. It has some brutal turns as well as oncoming traffic for the first time. The cars drive on the left-hand side, coming straight at the Player, in prior installments the Drivers always went with the flow. There is also a deadly drop-off for the first time. See, the gimmick of Highway Tracks used to only be that there were other Vehicles on the road. Shroom Ridge would be a fairly dangerous difficult track on its own (although maybe not concluding the Flower Cup), but the added Traffic makes it even tougher. You need to be able to react very fast here, so someone with expert Handling and Acceleration is key. Yoshi in the Egg 1 sounds good. The Ghost here is Toad in the Mushmellow again at 2:05:123.

Wii:

Half-Ridge...Half-City

Moonview Highway is really interesting. It's actually simply a big mash-up of Mushroom City and Shroom Ridge, with even a bit of Mushroom Bridge in there for good measure. Still, it's the only Highway Track in the Special Cup and it deserves to be there as one of the most difficult tracks in the game. There are huge cars and trucks that come barreling down the road, the most tricky parts are the blind turns that spell instant doom. There are also Vehicles that will actually swerve and change direction on the straightaways, meaning you go down one path to try to avoid something and it instead veers straight at you. If you're real sloppy you'll also fall off that bridge into the Unforgiving Abyss Below. There are two keys to this course: 1) Stay either in the middle of the road across the dividing lines where Cars are less likely to cross or on the left-hand side where you'll at least be going with traffic and 2) Hit the Double-X Boost while in the city. There are a series of boosts that go from left to right then right to left, do it while avoiding traffic and you'll get far ahead. Finally, there are Bomb Karts but no Mushroom Karts. Unfair.

Funky in the Spear is really good here although it's a bit uncontrollable and too slow to accelerate for effective Grand Prix Play. I prefer Daisy in the Mach Bike or Dolphin Dasher. The Staff Ghost is Peach, who has some Association with this track, there being a Giant Picture of her in Downtown and all. She's just a City Nightlife kind of Girl. She does a 02:16.802 in the Standard Kart M and then the Expert goes 02:04.163 in the Mach Bike.

Wario

History:

As a boy, Wario idolized his contemporary Mario. He dressed just like him and attempted to have a similar lifestyle, tho Wario's innate dementia took everything Mario did to the extreme. Whereas Mario collected coins and went on some questionable adventures against the forces of Bowser, Wario's greed knows no limits at all and his adventures across the Mushroom World may exceed even that of Mario himself. He's also gluttonous and vain although this has increased his strength to much greater than Mario. Wario could probably takeover the Mushroom Kingdom if only he wasn't a dick to everyone so he doesn't really have any allies, nor popular support of any kind. Not even Bowser particularly enjoys his company.

He hails from Diamond City on an Island somewhere off the West Coast of the Mushroom Kingdom where founded WarioWare, Inc, which specialises in producing Mini-Games. This along with the treasures from his adventures have made Wario quite wealthy, although his greed is insatiable. In addition to WarioWare, Inc, Wario manages a large Stadium in the Mushroom Kingdom, which he outfitted for Kart Racing on his first outing. He also opened up a huge Gold Mine and now has his hand in the production of some of the Coins that litter the Mushroom Kingdom, despite the Mushroom People's indifference to capitalism. It's possible that Wario's wealth rivals even the Toadstool Family's right now, although it will never be enough, and he isn't as willing to spend it developing courses and regions as Mario is.

64:

In order to gain entrance into the MK64 Grand Prix Wario stole Koopa's Kart and painted it in his own colour, purple. He has pretty terrible speed and acceleration and low steering but as a Heavyweight his girth is what lets him push other Karts around with ease. He's generally more on par with Kong than Bowser, as fat but not THAT fat. This really is just the first of many games in which Wario is useless.

Super Circuit:

Wario was similar in Super Circuit and pretty equal to Kong. His speed is only slightly worse than Mario and Luigi and slightly better than Bowser. Likewise he's not as heavy as the Koopa Lord but can still push anyone else around. Despite Super Circuit's Twenty Original Tracks Wario doesn't own a single one.

Double Dash:

Double Dash began to elevate the differences not between separate Racers, but individual Karts. Wario is in the Heavy Class, meaning whoever he is paired with will have to use a Heavy Kart. Each Kart therefore has its own stats while the Drivers mean little beyond selecting the Weight Class. Wario's Ride is the Wario Car, the only preexisting Vehicle in the game, as Wario is seen driving his Car everywhere. Actually that's probably how he's able to travel so much further than Mario. It helps to have a license, bud.

Xzibit can't improve a thing.

The Wario Car is basically a Heavyweight Compromise Car, which is terrible. It's one of the lighter, slower and better accelerating Heavy Karts though its Weight is till 6th and its Acceleration still ranks 17th. Thus it's like a training bra version of some of the Heavy Karts like the Piranha Pipes and the Koopa King that just go for it all. It has alright shocks though and surprisingly one of the best Turn Speeds in the game, though if you're drifting a lot this isn't a huge factor.

In this game each Character has a specific Item, the only thing that makes distinct characters really separate (although this rarely matters). Wario and his partner, Waluigi are one of only three pairs of disparate Weight Classes, Waluigi is a medium version of Wario. Their Item is the Bob-omb, which is one of the most effective defensive weapons, dropping it behind and nailing a lower place is deadly. It can be used offensively, though this rarely hits the intended target and more than likely will utterly destroy your own Kart. What is tricky is dropping it behind only to have it hit a Red Shell or Racer who was directly behind you and subsequently be engulfed in the explosion as well. It's a tough item but can be effective.

There are Secret Staff Ghosts for each track. Wario first shows up behind Waluigi in Waluigi Stadium with a time of 1:59:658. He later switches with his Evil Partner for Wario Colosseum for a time of 2:21:106. Both use the Wario Car.

DS:

Whereas Double Dash introduced the idea of customizable characters with different combinations and different cars, DS featured even more Kart Selections with the possibility of three Karts initially available to each Character. The only major difference between characters is their weight, and Wario adds 3 to each of his Vehicles, meaning he is a bit heavier than DK but lighter than Bowser and R.O.B. Generally there would be a Standard Kart which mimicked stats from earlier games, a weaker Kart with a higher Item Ranking that was useful for Grand Prix if you're prone to Last Place, and a better ride with great stats and a weak Item Ranking if you're prone to First Place. Wario's selection are as follows:

He actually generally has fair stats with a pretty nice Top Speed. This might be Wario's Best Game in fact. The model of the Brute looks somewhat like the Wario Car while the Dragonfly is a Tractor for some reason. Perhaps Wario has some connection to the Donut Tracks? DS also had Staff Ghosts, and Wario is featured on three courses. The first is the DS incarnation of Wario Stadium where he goes 2:14:868 in the Brute. He also uses the Brute on the retro Frappe Snowland, which is strange considering the statues of Mario present. Anyway, his time is 2:08:781. Finally he uses the Dragonfly on the Retro Choco Mountain in 2:15:571. Perhaps it's fitting that he's featured on two courses that debuted with him on 64, although when you think about the dirt of Choco Mountain there is some connection to the Stadium Tracks.

Wii:

This game went nuts with the stats, which includes a specific stat for each of the Six Bikes and Six Karts available to every character in a certain Size Class, as well as specific Bonuses for each character. Wario gets some of the weaker Bonuses in the game. His +3 Weight is matched or surpassed by both Bowser and DK among the Large Class and his +3 Offroad is matched or surpassed by Waluigi, King Boo, Funky Kong and Dry Bowser. Dry Bowser is the only one to match his +6 mini-turbo however. So basically Wario is the same as Dry Bowser except with a bit less Offroad and more Weight. He has nothing that leads the pack. Here are Wario's Vehicle-Specific Stats, Bonuses included:

Wario's most distinctive Ride here is the Wario Bike, which again is a preexisting vehicle. It's actually a very un-Heavy like Vehicle, with low Top Speed and high Handling and Acceleration. With his great Mini-Turbo Bonus though, Wario may be better suited to either the Honeycoupe or Shooting Star. Wario has two Ghosts in the game. The first is Wario's Gold Mine in the Wario Bike at 02:19.585, the Expert of which goes 02:04.800 in the Flame Flyer. He's also in Retro Delfino Square for some reason where he uses his Wario Bike again in 02:41.807, although the Expert blisters across the Finish in 02:24.169 driving the Honeycoupe.

Desert Tracks

History:

There are many tracks in the vast Dry Dry Desert located in the Southeast of the Mushroom Kingdom, often similarly linked but owned by no single individual. Navigating the desert was extremely dangerous before the construction of an intricate railway system by Eduard Simpson in 1894. He named his train the K64 and it still runs to the Desert and Back and remains the major mode of transportation into the wastelands. Since the Mushroom Government eventually regulated the Rail Industry Toad was able to build the Kalimari Desert Track around an early loop by the K64. Over the years, though, it fell into Shy Guy hands as the influence of the K64 waned and the Shy Guys crept through the region. Also located in the Kalimari Desert is the Sunset Wilds, which is another public Track.

As more of the Dry Dry Desert was explored in the early 20th Century the Mushroom People discovered a vast lost civilisation. Naturally they were up for converting most of the beautiful ruins into Race Courses. It's just that popular. While maintaining its holdings in the Kalimari Desert, the Mushroom Government put vast stretches of the Dry Dry Desert up for Auction. Yoshi, using some winnings he had gathered from adventuring with Mario purchased a section of land that would eventually become the course known as Yoshi Desert. He also purchased a wide section around some quicksand that he would eventually give to Birdo as well as the rights for an intricate Temple System that would eventually become the Dry Dry Ruins track.

Deeper in the Desert is a track known as Desert Hills. It was first owned by Yoshi as part of the initial Desert Tracks Deal, but he was forced to sell it to Waluigi, possibly under infelicitous circumstances. As Waluigi was attempting to make it a signature track for the Waluigi Grand Prix, which never got off the ground, he upset the Angry Sun, who drove him out with a bombardment of Fire Snakes. The track fell into the temporary care of ROB before it became inhospitable to all by Dry Bones, who the Angry Sun had no real problem with.

Past the point where the K64 runs the Desert gets even more rugged. Beyond the Layer-Cake lay an enormous Dead Sea between the canyons, where Shy Guy Pirates and Dry Bones duke it out for supremacy. Morton Koopa Jr., being familiar with the desert environs sought to make his own personal track here after he was selected for the 2014 Grand Prix. It's one of the most inhospitable of regions, though, and when other tracks are full of ghosts or outer space, that's saying something.

64:

MK64 was the first to feature a Desert Track, but every game since then has followed suit, except for 7, where this course is merely re-made. The Kalimari Desert came at the end of the Mushroom Cup, a trend that only Double Dash continued. It's clearly based on the American Southwest rather than the Egyptian theme of some of the other tracks. It also doesn't have a whole lot that other Desert Tracks have repeated, although its train is distinctive enough to appear again in Paper Mario. It's pretty simple besides the occasional Train Crossing. Good characters are Toad or Peach, characters who can take advantage of some of the lean straightaways, although good Brakes are also important here.

This course returns in Mario Kart 7 where it leads off the Leaf Cup. MK64 courses lead off three of the four Retro Cups and this one has some significant changes. To utilize new Air Travel possibilities there are a few ramps where Drivers can fly over large sections of the track.  The Ghost here is Shy Guy, providing some kind of Desert Connection, possibly a reference to the Native American Shy Guys from Super Circuit. The Normal uses the Cact-X, Wood Wheels, and Swoop Glider in 02:01.932. The Expert goes 01:48.707 in the Bolt Buggy, Red Monster, and Ghastly Glider. There is no water here to worry about here, so sticking with just fast land Wheels and Gliders is key - something like Gold Wheels on the B Dasher with a Swoop Glider works great.

Super Circuit:

Sunset Wilds from the Lightning Cup is a really interesting track, there hasn't been another like it since. It is the only Mario Kart Track which features a noticeable time change, shifting from Sunset to Night by the third lap. It also features ancillary characters that interact with the Racers - Native American Shy Guys who pounce on a Driver if they disturb their Tee Pee. I guess I would do that too. Perhaps a commentary on the plight of the American Indian? I hope so. There are also inexplicable Dinosaur Tracks throughout the land, possibly leftover from some Giant Beast who once prowled those lands

Super Circuit also featured the first Egyptian Desert Course, and this one would have more influence over Future Desert Tracks than either Kalimari or Sunset Wilds. Yoshi Desert began the Association between Yoshi and Deserts as well as the Egyptian Motif. It also has Piranha Plants that will swallow wayward drivers, seen again in Double Dash's Dry Dry Desert, and a Giant Yoshi Sphinx, seen again in Wii's Dry Dry Ruins. It also has some Oases, later seen in DS' Desert Hills. It's interesting that it took this long for the template to really be set. It's also interesting that none of these tracks have ever been in a Retro Cup. Both these courses are very twisty and dangerous, I'd suggest racing with someone who has some kind of handling. This is the only Desert Track ever to be in the Star Cup.

Double Dash:

Double Dash returned the desert track as the Mushroom Cup Closer and this one is named after the Desert it's located in, Dry Dry Desert. There are plenty of Obelisks and Pokeys for the first time, which would reappear in every other Desert Track to come. There is also a terrible Sand Tornado which whips up Drivers, slowing them down immeasurably. Racers will avoid the Tornado only to find themselves on the edge of the Pit of Carkoon with a hungry Piranha Sarlacc in the middle. There are some very hill sections here on a long straightaway, meaning that if you're Kart isn't bouncing around it's a good time to catch up or get ahead. Try the Pipes or one of the Toad Karts for the best results. Double Dash also had a store of Secret Staff Ghosts. Continuing the Yoshi Association with Desert Tracks, the Ghost here is Birdo driving with Yoshi in tow, in the Turbo Yoshi with a time of 1:50:755.

DS:

The DS Flower Cup opens with Desert Hills, which is the only Desert Track to ever be in the Flower Cup, as well as the first opener that wasn't a Mushroom Track or a Mario Circuit since SMK. It's also more or less a simple loop unlike the twisted Super Circuit renditions. There are some nice wide straightaways as well as some gentle turns that aren't difficult for anyone with decent handling. Since you're looking for Handling and Speed I might bet on Luigi, ROB, Waluigi or Yoshi (most of whom actually have some ties to this track). Use their best rides.

Desert Hills is a strange track by association. Yoshi is busy with Yoshi Falls and without any other really appropriate Driver available the Ghost is ROB in the ROB-LGS with a time of 1:31:262 . This is the only Desert Track to ever get a remake, and the Wii Ghost is Dry Bone. The Normal Staff Ghost goes 02:10.233 in the Standard Bike S and the Expert does a  01:52.686 in the Tiny Titan. The Wii Version is also full of Waluigi Grand Prix signs for some reason as well a really pissed off Sun.

Wii:

By comparison this track seems so innocent leading off the Special Cup for the first time. Instead, this track is secretly insane. Besides the giant statues crumbling around you, there are some thread-the-needle Offroad Shortcuts, some inescapable sand, 90° Temple Turns and plenty of Pokeys and Bats to knock you around or at least ruin that final jump. There are tons of Wii courses whose maps look very friendly, indeed this is a simple loop, but full of so many obstacles as well as altitude changes, wide, slippery sandy track material and danger everywhere that it belongs in the Special Cup. Just think when you finish it gets tougher from there.

The Ghost here is back to Yoshi. The Normal goes a 02:30.949 in his signature Classic Dragster, while the Expert blasts off a 02:14.286 in the Nitrocycle. I had a tough time balancing the need for speed on this course with the obvious handling issues. I've actually had some luck with Daisy in the Dolphin Dasher, that'd be my recommendation.

8:

Bone-Dry Dunes is a callback to more a Kalimari / Sunset Wilds kind of craggy desert rather than the Egyptian-themed ruins that more modern games have featured. It's all shaded in a deep orange ochre with swirling vortexes of sand making tornadoes and rivers that can gobble racers up. There's a bit of a heady Mid-Eastern vibe here, too, possibly reminiscent of Shy Guy Bazaar with its caravans, tents, and craggily structures. It's possible to bypass anti-gravity sections entirely here, which is rare, so that could impact your Wheel selection. There is no water but a short air portion, along with some truly brutal turns towards the end of the track. The bone theme is apparent here, with Dry Bones who won't really upset your Kart but surely slow you down, along with Bone Piranha Plants, will mess you up completely.

The Staff Ghost here is Morton Koopa Jr., who uses the Tri-Speeder, Monster Tires, and Super Glider in 2:13.391. That's actually one of the better combos to handle both Speed and Traction, which is necessary in this awfully sandy course. Morton himself also has one of the higher base speeds. The handling will be completely wretched, though. You can pair the Monster Tires with something like the Standard ATV to maintain traction without losing speed or the Pipe Frame, which will lose a little bit of traction but gain handling without losing speed. Good luck, grasshopper.