Bullet Bill / Chain Chomp

History:

Thousands of years ago, a young Rosalina, new in her job as Guardian Mother of the Galaxy, began to experiment with some of her new-found star power. She did not believe that any harm would come from using her star power on meteors to bring them to life, but instead in her inexperience she created a ravenous new species that sought only to consume. Horrified at what she had done, she sent the meteors away throughout the Galaxy. Eventually they wound up in Mushroom Space, where they would continue to devour everything, even Rainbow Road.
Some fell to the Mushroom Kingdom and were worshiped as gods by the early peoples of the Dry Dry Desert. Soon tribute was not enough to satiate their horrendous chomping appetite, and they were chained in tombs. Still, eventually there grew a group of professional Chomp Wranglers who would capture the beasts and train them up as sleepless, ever-vigilant and ever-hungry guard dogs. Mario was just one of these Wranglers, and he installed Chomps to guard his lover, Peach's castle. His younger self from an earlier timeline, though, Baby Mario, eventually found a way to use them in the Grand Prix, but in the rash judgment of youth, the results were imperfect. Still, this experience likely led the present-day Mario to become so familiar with the Chain Chomps.

After the disastrous introduction of Chain Chomps to the Grand Prix it was decided to use an Item that was similar, but far less risky for the activating driver. Bowser submitted his own Grand Stockpile of Bullet Bills, the Mushroom Kingdom equivalent to WMDs. Bullet Bills are created in Massive Factories in the Dark Land, and although sentient, are aware that they exist only for kamikaze missions. This combination of destructive power, spacial awareness, conscious decision-making, and unwavering loyalty makes them one of the most powerful forces in the entire Mushroom World. Being chosen to be an Item in the Grand Prix spares a Bullet Bill from its usually suicide mission, but such is actually against the Code of the Bills, which dictates that they die in battle. Thus, while being picked for life would seem like a huge relief, it is one of the deepest shames a Bill can suffer.

Chain Chomp appears in:

Double Dash!

The Chain Chomp only appears as a Special Item used by Baby Mario and Baby Luigi, as well as King Boo and Petey Piranha, who have access to all Special Items. It is dangerous and unwieldy and awesome and powerful at the same time. The Chomp will pull the racer at a rapid speed while knocking everyone else out of the way. The Driver himself though, is not invulnerable, and still susceptible to dangers on the course. It is also uncontrollable, the Chomp will tug the racer straight into danger, or suddenly leave before a cliff or turn that may pull the racer into oblivion. Still, the Chomp takes up nearly the entire track, and avoiding one coming up from behind is very difficult.

Bullet Bill appears in:

DS
Wii
7

The Bullet Bill in later games is very much a refined version of the Chain Chomp. It pulls the player ahead and destroys all other obstacles in its path. The key difference is that it encapsulates the racer, rendering him or her invulnerable to any disaster on the track. The Bullet Bill can supersede any danger besides a Star. It conquers Mega Mushrooms, and is unaffected by Thunder, POW Blocks, or Bloopers. There is still some danger of it wearing off and leaving racers flying headfirst over a cliff, but the benefits far outweight this mild risk. It's arguably better than a Star, especially on difficult tracks where it will take over the driving and launch the racer ahead. There isn't the danger of screwing up or junking turns because of high speed handling. Bullet Bills are game over, man - they only appear for players who have fallen far behind, but they offer a great advantage.

Blooper

History:

The Bloopers peacefully control large swaths of the Mushroom Seas, only acting out when their waters are intruded upon. Their commander is King Calamari, a giant squid-like creature. As contact grew between the Land and Sea societies, the King brokered a deal to let his denizens take part in the Grand Prix, as items. The Bloopers only contain a rudimentary understanding of their role in the races, though, and are mostly eager to return to their more familiar undersea existence.

Bloopers appear in:

DS
Wii
7

Bloopers function similarly in every game in which they appear. They are typically an item that appears to players towards the back of the pack. Once activated, the blooper soars out to every racer ahead of the one who used it and covers their screens in ink. It's one of the only items that breaks the fourth wall in Mario Kart, not actually affecting the driver, but rather the ability for real-life human players to perceive their video game avatar. It creates a visual disruption between the user and the proxy of game play.

This can be deadly, but again, it doesn't actually affect the potential of the actual avatar, just the ability of the player to see the screen. It can therefore be dealt with by either carefully memorization of the course, errant item placement, and predictable patterns (Thwomps for example); anticipation of incoming objects via auditory cues and the portions of the screen that do remain visible; and finally, prayer. If the Blooper is used while the racer is in first place, it will only attack the Kart that used it, namely, you. So, don't do that.

Any boosting object can get ride of the Bloop Ink. That is, any dash panel, trick, star, bullet bill, cannon, mushroom, or mega mushroom will do the trick. For this reason, Bloopers are actually less deadly on more complex tracks where you'll hit this stuff all the time. Of course, on simpler tracks, the screen obfuscaton is not nearly as terrible with much less danger. Therefore, there are only a couple courses where the Bloopers are actually effective, mostly those with lots of danger, crowded spaces, and a lack of boosting opportunities. It's also really a catch-all item. Unless you can see the racers ahead of you to time it so you ink up their screen right before they hit a tricky part of the course, there's no real timing or strategy involved. Just let the little squid do its thing and hope for the best.

Tart Top

History:

Some said that Princess Peach's obsession with Baking bordered on mania. After she grew bored with her excessive Giant Cookie Stage, she again devoted a great deal of the Mushroom Kingdom's resources into financing the creation of a gigantic Tart for Racers to do battle upon. She set this deep within an enchanted room of her own castle, with the secret intention of eating it later as a "midnight snack." Once her plot to dramatically raise her blood sugar level broke, it became a huge scandal with the media of the Mushroom Kingdom. Eventually her plot fell apart and she was ordered to dismantle the Tart. This task was handled by hired Shy Guys, who had a notorious love of eating Tarts.

DS:

Tart Top is very much a continuation of Double Dash's Cookie Land, which itself was a continuation of 64's Big Donut. It is a basic ring around a centralized, non-drivable area. The center area here is a mountain of dash panels that send Racers to the only Item Boxes in the course, which is also a curious facet of this course. The Giant Pastries can smother your screen if you run into them, and the Giant Strawberries can also cost you a balloon if struck. It is unclear why Peach built into her Giant Tart such hazards. The track itself is much wider than in Cookie Land, which allows for more open mayhem and less obscurity than the dividers. Unlike Big Donut, though, it's not too large that it becomes difficult to seek and destroy opponents. It's in general a solid, if not wacky course that, like many DS Battle Stages is a proper size to both have high interactions with opponents but not be constantly annihilated.

Palm Shore

History:

After years of inactivity, the Koopa Troop successfully fielded another Battle Stage to take place on one of their many islands in the paradise just south of the Dark Land. Like the SMK Battle Course 2, the Palm Shore, although constructed and operated by the Koopa Troop, was exploited by Bowser and much of the profits of its use went back to the Castle.

DS:

This is a notable course in that it is one of very few courses that allow Drivers to race through water (the other being Wii's Delfino Pier), and it's also the second Beach Battle Stage after the aforementioned Battle Course 2 from SNES' Super Mario Kart. It's a relatively small course with a lot of varied terrain, from beach to grass, and water that ebbs and flows over the shallower sections. It thus forms both a shortcut and a nasty trap if you mistime your journey across the great moat. Its borders are also deadly - journey too far and you'll be drowned. It's not unlike the many Beach Tracks that have long been commonplace in Mario Kart Games.

This course returned in Mario Kart 7 almost identical, but with the added underwater gameplay made possible by propellers, a new wrinkle is added. It's the only Battle Stage to have this feature, so when selecting it you may keep in mind the advantages or disadvantages different karts and wheels may give you during the battle. Karts such as the Birthday Girl, Tiny Tug, Cloud 9, and Pipe Frame, along with the Roller and Wood Wheels would be solid choices to truly rule this small Battle Stage.

Nintendo DS

History:

Like the Nintendo GameCube stage, every driver felt some extraneous metaphysical force that compelled them to put forth the joint funds that constructed this massive object floating high in space. In doing so they built it in the same night sky as that Grand Prix's Rainbow Road. No racer individually understood the purpose of the Grand Station, and it was abandoned soon after the completion of the 2005 Grand Prix.

DS:

This is actually a brutal course. The top screen is tilted at a slight angle, giving any Driver on that half a great High Ground Advantage in surveying the rest of the course. There are no guardrails, unlike Double Dash's GameCube stage, and falling off with a mistimed mushroom boost is perilous. It's also very open and expansive, allowing plenty of room for Shell and Bob-omb damage. The only safe areas are the hinges along either side where the flat half bumps up against the tilted half. Racers may hide from both view and slaughter by the merciless killers of the Tilted Half. The trade-off here, of course, is that they may also be cornered more easily. This course can accommodate many forms of gameplay because it's so open and inviting. You can sit atop and pick people off or dart around the whole course planting traps. As far as gimmicky shameless self-promoting stages, this is one of the best.