Koopa Troopa

History:

The Koopas lived for centuries in the Koopa Kingdom in relative peace with the Mushroom Kingdom but with underlying problems. The Koopa Kingdom was vastly inferior economically, with little arable land or developed areas. While it scuffled with the Mushroom Kingdom it could never sustain a war or supplant any of the Royal Family's deep-seeded interests in the Region. This all changed with the introduction of Bowser.

Lord Bowser arrived, although it's possible he had laid in wait in the area and considering his species it is likely he originated from somewhere in the depths of the Koopa Kingdom. He reformed the Region into Dark Land and suddenly the Koopas became a military powerhouse, if not still saddled with mounting economic problems. Military service is compulsory for all male Koopas ages 12 - 34.

When Mario offered an Olive Branch to Bowser through the Grand Prix Bowser was keen to bring an ally. He managed to convince one his best and speediest troopers to come along, and the reliable but nameless Koopa Troopa was eager to prove his worth. In 1995 Wario stole his Kart though, and it took Bowser years to put up the funds to field another. Eventually he came back but has only raced in the most Prestigious of Grand Prix.

Super:

Koopa is one of the best Racers of SMK. Along with Toad they are known as "The Small Guys," which have excellent handling along with average speed and acceleration at the cost of low weight. He can steer his way around the trickiest of courses with ease, including his namesake Koopa Beaches. As a computer player he'll often throw his own shell at the other players. In SMK's Rivalry System, if he finishes first the other Drivers will finish in the order Luigi, Yoshi, Peach, Mario, Bowser, DK Jr then Toad. I have no idea why Luigi is his biggest rival here, perhaps they're battling over the colour Green.

Double Dash:

Wario replaced Koopa in Super Circuit and 64 but he was back with the ensemble Double Dash. Double Dash featured less emphasis on individual Divers and more on Kart Selection. The Driver Choice is really just to determine weight class along with a Special Item specific to each Driver. Koopa paired with Paratroopa, the two are statistically identical in every way.

Their item is the Triple Shell returned from 64. Unlike 64 though the shells don't rotate around the Kart so it's still dangerous to run into things. The one advantage is that the shells will launch directly ahead instead of timing it on one of the rotations, which can get hairy. It's definitely one of the better Special Items in the game, especially because it's possible to get both Triple Green Shells which are beneficial defensive and offensive Items as well as the Triple Red Shell, which is one of the best Items to get while in the Top 4 of the Grand Prix, as it definitively seeks out and destroys those ahead. There's also three of them, making it superior in that sense to a Yoshi Egg. There is a weird chance sometimes if you get ahead of your own Red Shell it will actually hit you.

Koopa's Ride is the Koopa Dasher, which is a solid Light Kart. It's got the second best Acceleration in the game as well as pretty good speed and weight for a Light Kart. It has terrible turn speed though and is one of the bouncier Vehicles available to the Lightweights. It's Offroad is also average.

He also has a few Secret Ghosts in this game. Due to the fact that no Secret Characters are given Ghosts, Koopa and Paratroopa inherit the Mushroom Tracks, likely from their similar statuses going back to SMK. Both using the Koopa Dasher, Koopa leads on Mushroom Bridge with a time of 1:31:458. Paratroopa leads on Mushroom City with a time of 1:50:663.

Wii:

Koopa was left out of Double Dash but returned for Wii. Wii gave the Three Different Size Classes of Eight Drivers each Six Karts and Six Bikes to choose from, all of varying stats. In addition to this Vehicle difference, each Driver added his or her own Bonuses to certain stat areas. Koopa adds a slight handling bonus and a substantial Mini-Turbo Bonus, meaning that he's the kind of Racer that is good on difficult courses that require a lot of sliding and Turbos. Here are the Koopa-Specific Wii Stats:

His best Ride is probably the Nano Bike, which is the closest he gets to an Association. There are also Staff Ghosts in Wii during Time Trials. The Normal Ghost uses a Cheep Charger on Koopa Cape in 03:03.022. Koopa Cape is his signature course here and is one of the longest in the Game. It's clearly an extension of Koopa Beach but to such an extent that it can't really be considered a Beach Track anymore. The Expert Ghost pulls a 02:41.370 in the Bubble Bike. Koopa Troopa also has a Ghost on the Retro Shy Guy Beach, a more clear reference to his former Beach-owning status (even in games he wasn't a Driver in). The Normal uses the Cheep Charger again in 01:45.568, the Expert goes 01:32.867 in the Magikruiser, which has such a good Offroad stat that it's use on the shortcuts here is infamous. Toadette can take it down though.

Frosty Tracks

History:

Like the Beach Tracks, there is no one owner of the Frosty Tracks, but they all have some similar veins running through them. The Vanilla Lakes are on Property owned by the Toadstool Royal Family far North of the Mushroom Kingdom. There was minimal effort done to adjust them into Racecourses, but they are officially maintained now by Mario but owned by Peach. Frappe Snowland was another course in the North, although not as far as the Arctic areas of Vanilla Lake established by a joint venture between Mario and Yoshi in 1994. Ultimately the two disputed ownership and were forced to put it to bid in 2004 wherein it was purchased by Wario. Sherbet Land (64) was also christened in 1994 by Luigi in an effort to also maintain a racing presence, tho his Brood has maintained ownership.

Snow Land is also maintained by the Royal Family. Finally, Sherbert Land (Double Dash) is a recreational spot for Shy Guys and tho they do not typically field a driver, still hold ownership and profits from Races on their grounds.

Deep in the Cosmic Cove Galaxy Rosalina furbished her first track, naming it Rosalina's Ice World. Tho she is relatively inexperienced in racing or managing tracks, the power and influence of Rosalina far outweight most of the mortal men and women who have pursued such a venture. Rosalina's choice to use the Cosmic Cove Galaxy was one of both safety and on the insistence of her Penguin Allies there.

Super: 

Vanilla Lake 2

Vanilla Lake 1 and 2 are courses that seem the inverse of each other. One races around a giant snowy pile with the occasional cracks in the ice that can be dangerous. The other races around an enormous hole in the ice, which would provide inspiration for many Frosty Tracks to come. The track itself is very slippery and The Small Guys, Koopa and Toad have a tough time with it. Vanilla Lake 1 appears in the Star Cup but Vanilla Lake 2 is the penultimate course in the game. It feature many jagged, dangerous turns as well as some ice blocks, pipes and big patches of slowy snow to drive through. It's an intense experience. These tracks never showed up again, besides in Super Circuit, which recreated SMK verbatim (with the exception of changing the format from 5-Tracks in 4-Cups to 4-Tracks in 5-Cups), but provided a lot of inspiration for those to come in the future.

64: 

Frappe Snowland is a snowy track rather than an icy one. There are a couple jumps so someone who can maintain their speed like Toad is of good use. There are again some wicked turns and power sliding opportunities as well as tons of Bomb-filled Snowmen who are deadly. This is also the only Frosty Track besides Vanilla Lake 2 that is not in the Star Cup, it calls the Flower Cup home. Despite featuring giant Yoshi and Mario statues this track returned for DS with a Wario Staff Ghost for some reason. I guess Wario is a better association with the Frigid Wastes than a cheery Tropical Yoshi, and there's plenty of Mario Circuits to take up the Red Plumber's time. Wario clocks in a 2:08:781 in the Brute.

Sherbet Land is one of only a handful of names that appears in different tracks in different games (the others being Bowser Castle, Mario Circuit, Luigi Circuit and Wario Stadium) and is the only name that reappears without attachment to a Racer. It's the clear successor to Vanilla Lake 2, although there is no snow to drive over, there are some tough turns and a giant icy lake in the middle to drive around. The Penguins here are nasty and navigating the Cave is very difficult. This track returned as a Retro Course in Wii where the Staff Ghost inexplicably is Baby Luigi. He goes a 02:48.651 in the Quacker and the expert is 02:28.356 in the Blue Falcon. I suppose there aren't really any other good Luigi-themed courses so they had to stick him somewhere.

Super Circuit

Super Circuit features Snow Land, a fairly unremarkable course for the Star Cup. It does feature some penguins and Snowmen again who block Drivers but don't explode. There are also some puddles that can trap players but they don't seem like Ice Cracks as this course features a snow raceway. There is also a constant Snowstorm, making it the second Mario Kart Course with a weather pattern, but it's never too much to be distracting. Its basic shape does actually recall Frappe Snowland a little bit but with a few more groovy turns. Anyone with good handling who can stay in the middle of the path is going to do well here, which might be someone heavier who won't slip out uncontrollably.

Double Dash:

The Second Sherbet Land appears in Double Dash, leading off the Star Cup, just as Snow Land did for Super Circuit and DK Pass would do for DS. I did decide that the two other snowy courses, DK Pass and DK Summit were more like other DK Courses than these Frosty Tracks, so head over there to see their info. All the Frosty Tracks are basically flat, with ice water hazards and usually some kind of moving or stationary (and exploding) object. This incarnation of Sherbet Land is no different.

The enormous Skating Shy Guys here are basically a recreation of the Penguins from 64 Sherbet Land. There is also a tunnel, tho it's far less dangerous and some snow to slow Racers down, but it's never exactly on the track they should be racing on. The biggest danger here might be the Freezies, which will temporarily chill a player and can destroy good laps right at the last second.

The Secret Ghost here is Baby Luigi/Baby Mario in the Goo-Goo Buggy at 1:25:904. This was probably the inspiration for giving Baby Luigi the 64 Sherbet Land recreated in Wii, but still...what the hell? There aren't any recreations of this course anywhere, and for sure the 64 Sherbet Land is a bit more iconic. It is surprising that there hasn't been a later incarnation of these tracks, but to be sure Original Tracks in DS and Wii are as a rule much crazier than these guys.

7:

Rosalina's Ice World is fairly different from any other Frosty Track that has come before it. The half-pipe sections echo parts of DK Summit from Wii and there are large stretches of a broken ice lake that has been repeated plenty of times, but it is a generally darker track than some of the others here and has a lot more ice than snow portions. It also has a substantial underwater section, so that should be sure to come into your Kart and Wheel selection, although there is not many spots for Air time.

The Staff Ghost naturally then is Rosalina, who goes a 02:25.784 using the Standard with Sponge Wheels and the Parafoil. Neither Rosalina's Cruiser class nor the Sponge Wheels are very good underwater, so that may be where you can strike. The expert though, uses the Gherkin, Red Monster Wheels and Super Glider in 02:13.091. This combo is pretty awful at everything but Land Speed, so either take advantage of the water again or try to match it with something that loses less, such as the B Dasher and Gold Tires, or even the same combo with a Light or Featherweight.

Bowser

History:

No one is exactly sure where Bowser came from or how long he has been around, or even if the Bowser from the Past is the same as the Bowser of today. It is widely thought that the Darkening of the Koopa Kingdom in the mid-19th Century had something to do with the Dark Magic of Lord Bowser but there is no Historical Documentation to back this up. Due to Bowser's Turtle Nature as well as his proficiency in Dark Magic it is possible that he is hundreds of years old.

What is known is that Bowser started reworking the Giant Castle of the Koopa Kingdom in the early 1970s. Suddenly his images were everywhere and he and his offspring have definitively controlled every aspect of life in the Kingdom ever since. It is now colloquially known as Dark Land and residents face compulsory military service, little arable land and Loyalty Oaths to Lord Bowser with severe consequences. He has launched numerous campaigns to conquer the peaceful nearby Mushroom Kingdom but to no avail.

In order to shelter most of Dark Land from the intrusion of Outsiders but still wanting to field a track to compete with his enemy Mario in the Cups, Bowser outfitted his own Home, Bowser's Castle into a course, completed in 1991. He has tried in vain to win the affections of Princess Peach and is known for some of the most excessive Karts and Racing Styles in All the Cups. While he maintains a temporary truce with his enemies he hates losing.

Super:

In SMK Bowser is one of the only Heavyweights, statistically equal to DK Jr. They make up a class called "The Showdown," one of Four Classes between the Eight Characters. He has very High Weight and Speed but terrible acceleration and handling. As a computer some of his Fire Power comes into play and he will throw Balls of Lava at other players. Under the SMK Rival Order, which would rank how all the other Karts would finish if Bowser was in first, the computers in Grand Prix finish Mario, Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, DK Jr, Toad, then Koopa. You can see that Bowser is most friendly to Koopa and has the worst time with Mario. All the Bowser Castle stages are his namesake.

64:

Bowser is pretty awful in 64. He's a monster on the course but his acceleration is so terrible, if anything knocks him around he's history. He's still big enough though that no other Racer will be able to bump him out. Once he gets going his steering can be stiff, which is beneficial in that he's not going to slip and spin out uncontrollably on the course. He's definitely planted where he is. He's also not bouncing around but will lose a ton of speed off his jumps.

Super Circuit:

Bowser intimidates foes by driving backwards.

Super Circuit differentiated a bit between Bowser and the other Heavyweights, Kong and Wario. While they were a little lighter and faster, Bowser had his weight stat completely maxed out at the expense of terrible speed. He thus rules over all other Karts. Conceivably he could knock everyone out at the start and then coast the rest of the way, but the game is far too unpredictable for that to happen. Stay away from Bowser in these two games.

Double Dash:

In Double Dash the Individual Racers didn't matter as much as the Karts. Each of the Twenty Drivers had a Specific Kart and Item (there was also the Parade Kart, making 21 total Vehicles) that anyone of the same Weight Class could use. Bowser's Ride is the Koopa King, which is a monstrously big Kart that hits everything in its path, be it Star or Banana. It's also got some insane stats. It's tied for 1st with many of the other Heavy Karts (along with Luigi's Green Fire and Bowser Jr.'s Bullet Blaster) in speed at 58 mph as well as 1st in weight. Bowser is almost always unknockable, no one is pushing the Koopa King around.

Hail, Lord Bowser

All this sounds great until you see its Acceleration which ranks 19th, taking 3.214 to go from 0 to 40 mph. It is also the single worst Offroad Kart in the game, barely revving it to 27 mph on the slightest patch of grass. Note that for its size it actually doesn't have the worst Acceleration and its handling while trademarked stiff, its not bouncy at all and loses only a moderate amount of speed on turns. In this sense it is probably one of the better Heavy Karts around, or at least gives the most for your money.

Each Driver also has a Special Item that only they receive. Bowser is identical to Donkey Kong in that they both have a partner with the same Item who is a Lightweight. There are only three such pairs in the game, the other being the Third Heavyweight from 64 (Heavy Wario is paired with Middleweight Waluigi). Thus Bowser Jr. also uses Bowser's Item, making him a good option for anyone seeking a Bowser-like character in anything lighter than the Heavy Class. Their Item is the Bowser Shell, a monstrously huge Shell that looks like it came from one of his Giant Incarnations that races across the Track and destroys everyone. It is notoriously dangerous to throw it in front because it can bounce backwards fast and take you out but on straightaways or behind it is pretty useful. It's only issue is that you can't control it once released and as such will damage you as much as anyone else. Baby Park is a deadly place to drop these.

Bowser and Bowser Jr. are the only Double Dash characters to only have a single Secret Staff Ghost. Their track is Bowser Castle at 2:44:690 with the Koopa King. They missed out on another signature track because Mario and Peach took Rainbow Road. What a shame for Lord Bowser, but could you really see Rainbow Road being the Track for Bowser Jr? Hell no.

DS:

For the DS each of the Twelve Main Characters had three Karts to use initially. Basically everyone has a Standard Kart with average stats, one with slightly worse stats but an excellent Item Rating that is useful for getting good Items in Grand Prix or Mushrooms in Time Trials and finally one Kart with pretty awesome stats except for Items that is useful if you can get ahead and win by Racing. The only stat that Racers really affect Karts is their weight, in this case, Bowser adds 3.5 to the weight of all his rides, tied with R.O.B. as the heaviest in the game. Bowser's Karts are as follows:

There's a few notable things here. Bowser's Hurricane is one of only two Karts to get a perfect 10 Speed rating, the other being ROB's ROB-BLS. His Drift is decent as his is weight (unranked here), but his acceleration and handling are terrible. In essence, Bowser has very similar stats to his SMK appearance. He also has three Staff Ghosts in the game. His two from the Nitro Grand Prix both use the Hurricane. He completes Airship Fortress in a 2:07:748 and Bowser Castle in 2:19:661, the longest of any track in this game. The Ariship Fortress association like comes from the fact that many of Bowser's schemes have involved Mobile Oppression Palaces, such as the Koopa Clown Car. He also has a Ghost on the Retro Bowser Castle 2 from Super Circuit, using the Standard BW in 1:52:258.

Wii:

Wii merged the Double Dash and DS idea of Kart-specific racing with with the earlier idea of Character-specific racing. The Twenty-Four characters are sorted into Three different Size Classes, each of which may choose between Six Karts and Six Bikes. Each Vehicle has slightly different stats and in addition each Character adds Bonuses to different stats in different areas. The combinations are mindboggling. Bowser gets a Weight Bonus, of course, along with a small Speed and Drift Bonus. Here are the Bowser-Specific Stats for Every Kart he can use in Wii:

Bowser has strong associations with both the Flame Flyer Kart and the Flame Runner Bike, the later of which bears his mug. Both are Fiery Vehicles that are exceptionally fast with decent Drift but no Acceleration, Handling or Offroad. That's Bowser exactly. He's also got some association with the Piranha Prowler, maybe because it's modeled after one of his underlings, but also because when he sits in it he becomes the Heaviest Combo in the Game. Bowser only has one Ghost in the game, on the longest Original Track, Bowser's Castle, he uses the Piranha Prowler in 03:04.836. The Expert on the same track switches to the Flame Runner and a burns a blisteringly fast 02:42.098.

Beach Tracks

History:

There is no one Beach Owner to all these tracks, but they're all pretty similar. Most of these are owned by the lesser underlings of the Koopa Kingdom. The Koopa Beaches are technically Bowser's property and exist on the fringes of Dark Land, out in the Ocean. They serve as relaxation homes for the Koopa Troop, a spot to get away as well as a small way to boost morale after countless defeats at the hands of the Mario Bros. The Koopas in their lone attempt at seeking some political power in Bowser's Harsh Regime have fully funded the construction of Race Courses out of these Islands, although the track construction is minimal.

Shy Guy Beach exists off the Coast of Yoshi's Island and as such are under a constant barrage from the Pirate Guys seeking to plunder the region's rich natural resources. The course was funded by Yoshi although recently sold to the Koopas, though the Pirate Guys have the same desire for booty. Cheep-Cheep Island also exists in Dinosaur Land, although this was constructed and maintained by the Koopas. Likewise with Cheep Cheep Cape. Peach Beach is on Isle Delfino in the Seas South of the Mushroom Kingdom, transformed into a course by the Princess herself. Cheep Cheep Beach is on the Southern Shores of the Mushroom Kingdom itself, originally on land owned by Peach again but sold to Kong in 2004 after she favoured her Isle Delfino Vacation Home. Kong used the Tropical Region as a hang-out from him and his Brood during their extended stays in the Mushroom Kingdom before eventually crafting a Course out of the grounds.

Super:

The idea for Koopa's Courses being beaches may have come from the Beach Koopa, which was the appearance of any Koopa without a shell. Koopa Beach 1 and 2 feature as early tracks in the Star and Special Cup. This is the latest any Beach Track would get and these are both more difficult in proportion to SMK's other tracks when compared to later Beach Courses. Beach 1 is nothing more than a string of Islands connected by water and a few grassy patches. It's possible to drive over shallow water and that can open up some extensive shortcuts. Koopa himself is really the best option here, although with sliding and hopping some of the bigger Drivers are usable. Koopa Beach 2 is the inverse of 1, instead of a string of islands around a big water interior it's simply one Massive Landmass with an inner full of slowy grass. There are also Cheep-Cheeps that pop up and wreck your Kart.

Both of these tracks reappeared in Super Circuit though it reshuffled the courses. Instead of 4 Cups of 5 Tracks each Super Circuit contained 5 Cups of 4 Tracks each. Koopa Beach 2 also came back in DS as a Retro Track. The Ghost is Yoshi in the Egg 1 at 0:54:847. Yoshi is here because DS didn't have a Koopa, tho it did have Dry Bones (he was associated with Creepy Tracks). Yoshi has always been in Tropical Island games, it's not a stretch to have him here.

64:

64 introduced the idea for the Mushroom Cup to have a Beach Circuit, which was followed all the way to Wii, which has no Beach Track in the vein of any of these (Koopa Cape is the closest, though with the underwater piping and waterfalls is really nothing like any other Course). Koopa Troopa Beach has a very infamous shortcut but is mostly a race around a giant rock, making it more similar to Koopa Beach 2 than later incarnations. It also adds the crabs, the underpass and palm trees that would appear many times later on. The only Koopa reference is the Giant Rocky Outcrop which is distinctive enough. There are tons of ramps on this course for some reason, but it's not really necessary or speedy to go over any of them unless you're taking a shortcut. Someone with lose handling who can handle the wide muddy track for shortcuts would be excellent, possibly Mario or Luigi besides the obvious Peach or Yoshi.

This track returns in Mario Kart 7 although it's almost unrecognizable. The ramps have all shifted and the major shortcut is now dependent on water level for Drivers to hit the ramp. There is heavy use of Air Travel to cover this shortcut and the other ramps, but the biggest change is the use of Sea Travel across previously unnavigable areas. If you have a strong desire to cut corners use someone with great Air and Sea speed such as the Egg 1 with Roller Wheels. The Ghost is Koopa Troopa using the Pipe Frame, Standard Wheels, and Super Glider in 01:54.274, which is a solid combo, but doesn't fully take advantage of water traveling shortcuts. The Expert uses the Soda Jet, Sponge Wheels, and Parafoil in 01:42.909, which hurts its underwater capabilities even more, and would seem a solid air option but the Parafoil kills that. Pick a means of transport and go after it.

Super Circuit:

Shy Guy Beach is a lot like Koopa Beach 1, it's a chain of islands connected by shallow water, which again means that there are plenty of shortcuts if you pick someone with good off-road. It also takes the Koopa Troopa Beach Route by appearing in the Mushroom Cup. The only real danger here are the Crabs again as well as the Pirate Guy Cannonade. It wasn't a stretch to move from Koopas to Shy Guys, the Pirate Guys are equally tropical. This course reappeared in Wii where the Normal Staff Ghost is Koopa in the Cheep Charger at 01:45.568. That's really the perfect merging of Beach tropes - Koopa, Cheep-Cheep and Shy Guy all in one. The expert goes 01:32.867 in the Magikruiser, which with its ridiculous Offroad is one of the best Vehicles to use here. I would pick Toadette, though.

Cheep-Cheep Island is also in Super Circuit, in the Lightning Cup. It's again natural that after the Cheep-Cheeps appeared in tons of these Beach Tracks they would get their own. It's almost the same kind of layout as Shy Guy Beach but the sandy paths are connected by boardwalks instead of shallow water. This makes Offroading less vital. Lots of straightaways with some subtle turns and hazards. Also, Giant Cheep-Cheeps.

Double Dash:

Peach Beach was put in just for the rhyming. It is more like Koopa Troopa Beach with its Big Rocky Arches and shallow pool of water that can become a nifty shortcut if you cut across the sandbar or the low tide. There are tons of Satanic Ducks on this course as well as a weird warp pipe after the start that wastes tons of time but gives you a Double Item.

Actually hitting this thing off the start and getting 8th Place Stars and Mushrooms isn't that bad in Grand Prix. Daisy's Cruiser is visible here as well as another Sunshine Cruiser, both of which are viewable on Yoshi Circuit later on the Star Cup. It's likely that both load somewhere off Delfino and then cruise around the Mushroom Seas. If you time this right and get Mushrooms across the shallow pool the course is basically two straightaways connected by some meandering turns. High Offroad is key, tho if the water is shallow enough the Bigger Karts are actually less affected than some of the smaller guys that just drown. I've done very well here using DK/Bowser/Boo Pipe somehow.

This came back in Wii where the Ghost is Peach who clocks in at 01:34.233 in the Royal Racer. The expert version goes 01:23.140 in the Dolphin Dasher. Isle Delfino? Dolphin Dasher? It's all coming together. This course actually broke some Beach Tradition, there's no Crabs and no Cheep-Cheeps but the Shallow Water and Arches are there.

DS:

The DS Beach Track is Cheep Cheep Beach (again, note the shifting punctuation). This thing has a bit of everything. The Crabs are back along with some big patches of shallow water connecting parts of the track and some tidal shortcuts. There is also the third Beach Arch after Koopa Troopa Beach and Peach Beach as well as a Boardwalk slightly reminiscent of Cheep-Cheep Island. Also for the first time ever there is an actual track that runs through a bit of Jungle during the last quarter. Kong is the Ghost here, in the Standard DK he pulls a 1:43:654. Again, this must just be the Tropical reference and the fact that this game lacks a Koopa and Shy Guy is Download Play Only. Since all the Beach Courses feature some water it's always good to have a light guy who won't sink but depending on the depth of shortcut you may also want a big guy who won't drown. They all also have very ill-defined tracks, which makes the Boardwalks here and on Cheep-Cheep Island stand out. Either way, Offroad is vital for shortcuts here.

7:

Mario Kart 7 adds Cheep Cheep Cape which mostly goes back to basics. It's the third course in the Mushroom Cup, holding an identical position as Koopa Troopa Beach and Cheep Cheep Beach. It's a pretty simple loop although this is mostly because it's the first track to show off the new gameplay in 7, with large underwater elements. There are portions of the track where drivers can go through either the air or sea, meaning that a Kart with decent stats through every medium is necessary. These would include the Cloud 9, Egg 1, Pipe Frame, and Royal Ribbon.

The benefits the Staff Ghost, Peach, perhaps a callback to Peach Beach. She goes a 01:53.758 in the Royal Ribbon with Roller Wheels and the Peach Parasol. The expert keeps the identical accessories but switches to the Tiny Tug in 01:42.011, which is a great combo. Using the Wood Wheels instead may give you a slight advantage on land and the chance to beat her.

DK Jr. / Donkey Kong

History:

There have been a few Donkey Kongs over the years. The Original Donkey Kong lived peacfully on his eponymous Island until a young Adventurer, Mario found him, kidnapped him and then kept him as a pet. After years of abuse the Ape broke free, kidnapped Mario's then-beau Pauline and held her for ransom atop Mushroom City, only for Mario to knock him out. As they grew older the Original Donkey Kong eventually retired and soon became more widely known by his nickname, Cranky Kong due to his ornery temperament. His sour attitude likely came from being defeated by Mario all those years ago, tho what the Ape was planning to do with Pauline is questionable. His son, known as DK, Jr. has become an unsteady ally of the Plumber. He was bashful yet powerful, and entered into an early Mario Kart Cup. Since that time though, he has grown up and  successfully taken the mantle of Donkey Kong for himself, forgoing the Junior Suffix.

Kong hails from Donkey Kong Island, which is likely located somewhere on Mushroom World, likely very distant as his path has not crossed with the other Mushroom Folk outside of Great Sports Competitions. When Kong grew up he opened some of his land to Racing, seeing not an opportunity for profit but rather and opportunity to showcase his luscious jungles and give everyone a cool place to party. It's just the Kong way. This greatly displeased the reactionary Cranky Kong.

Super:

Considering DK Jr. and Donkey Kong to be the same character is dangerous - they have never been fully disclosed as such. Either way, they're close enough. SMK ranked all eight of its drivers in four categories, as such DK Jr. was paired with Bowser in "The Showdown" as statistical equals. Each racer had four categories they ranked in, which would all average to equal stats. The Showdown Heavyweights were the only characters whose stats were all extreme - DK Jr. had low acceleration and terrible handling, but very high speed and weight, allowing him to knock other characters around. As a computer he also threw Bananas around. If he was in first according to the SMK Rival System, the other drivers would finish in order of Toad, Bowser, Koopa, Luigi, Peach, Mario and Yoshi. I don't know why his biggest rival is Toad, maybe it's just a Big vs. Small thing. He had no signature course in SMK but would have plenty more in the future.

64:

64 introduced the Re-Designed Kong pioneered by Rareware in Donkey Kong Country. Heavyweights in 64 had low speed, steering and acceleration. This doesn't sound great, but they tended not to slip around like the other Drivers, which was handy on some tight dangerous courses with the use of power sliding. Kong's weight also prevented him from being jostled around by other drivers in Grand Prix Mode. His Kart is yellow.

Super Circuit:

Kong was equal to Wario in Super Circuit. They were both Heavy Drivers, but not as much as Bowser. They also didn't have the lowest speed in the game, merely a few mph behind Mario and Luigi. Still, his acceleration is terrible. They key to using him is to get ahead early and avoid being destroyed by tons of items. Abandon hope in Time Trials however.

Double Dash:

Kong's Ride in Double Dash is the DK Jumbo, a truly, truly terrible Kart. Double Dash emphasized Karts over drivers, the characters determined only Weight Class and whatever Special Item you could get. Each of the 10 Duos had only one special item between them, and since most were of the same Weight Class it wouldn't make much of a difference say, to pick between Toad and Toadette. Kong, a Heavyweight, however, partnered with the Lightweight Diddy, making Diddy basically a version of Donkey Kong that could actually be put into a speedy Kart. That discussion is for the Diddy Page, though, let's talk about the Jumbo:

The Jumbo's acceleration at 3.363 seconds to get from 0 to 40 mph is the worst of any Kart in the Game. That means you'll hardly ever see it get up to 58 mph, which is one of the fastest Top Speeds of the Game. It also loses the most speed on turns, speed that it cannot recover because it's acceleration is terrible. It's also lighter for a Heavy Kart and has absolutely terrible Offroad stats, which is bizarre because its wheels are made out of wood. It belongs in the Jungle!

Kong himself is actually useful, if you plan on being and staying in 1st or 2nd Place for most of the Grand Prix the Giant Banana has a defensive Item is hard to beat. No other Item stays stationary on the track behind you for that long. It's also rare that you'll mess up and hit it yourself. It takes a good shot but it can also be used offensively if you throw it forward and nail someone directly, but more often Kong is made to get into 1st Place and then destroy the competition behind him. Getting into 1st with the Jumbo, though? Not happening.

Kong also has a few Secret Ghosts in this game. He leads with Diddy in the backseat on his own DK Mountain with a time of 2:12:639. Continuing the Jungle Theme for the Primates here, he follows Diddy on Dino Dino Jungle at 2:00:908. Both utilise the DK Jumbo.

DS:

Kong is a decent driver in DS. His speed and drifting abilities are pretty good, meaning he'll never lose all that much once he gets going. The acceleration isn't as poor as in some other games, he's one of the best accelerating Heavyweights, although this still leaves all the Middle and Lightweights ahead of him. In general Kong is always that lighter Heavyweight, he's the compromise between wanting a bigger driver but not all the terrible stats they usually bring. In that regard he can be pretty good. Here are his DS Stats for the three Karts specific to him, the model for all DS Racers:

His best ride at the sacrifice of a good Item stat is the Wildlife. The Rambi Rider is a nice touch though, it took Mario Kart so long to start incorporating greater elements from the Donkey Kong Country Series. His handling is pretty poor with all of these, you need to be a good Drift Artist to master the Kong. He adds about 2.8 to the weight of all his Karts, putting him somewhere between the Middleweights and the Heavier Wario, Bowser, and R.O.B. He has three Staff Ghosts in this game, the first is on Cheep Cheep Beach for some reason, perhaps a nod to Kong's Tropical Nature as well as the Oceanline and Beaches that have been present in plenty of his games. He clocks in at 1:43:654 using the Standard DK. He also comes back in DK Pass at 2:14:607 in the Wildlife and the Retro Moo Moo Farm with a 1:17:751 in the same vehicle. As for the Moo Moo Farm association, the connection between Cows and Apes should be obvious...

Wii:

It's weird that Kong doesn't really have any vehicles in Wii associated with him, although his pal Funky Kong does. Wii featured six Bikes and six Karts of varying stats for each Driver in three separate Size Classes. In addition to this each individual driver adds his or her own personal stats to each Vehicle. The most in any category is 80. Kong, like Mario added +2 in Acceleration and Handling (for once DK has good handling! And Acceleration!) as well as +3 for weight and +3 for Mini-Turbo. He requires an advanced Driver to use him properly, with lots of boosts, these are probably the best Stats he's ever seen. All the Kongs are fantastic in this game, actually, there must be some Rare Fan on Staff. Here are the Kong-Specific Stats for Wii:

His best Bike may be the Phantom, and as far as Karts go the Offroader is decent for Grand Prix Play. Kong has a couple Staff Ghosts as well on his two eponymous Tracks in the game. It's actually interesting that his Normal Staff Ghosts use Bikes and his Experts use Karts. On the DK Summit he pulls a 02:34.693 in the Standard Bike L. On the Retro D.K.'s Jungle Parkway (we can talk about the varying punctuation later) he goes 02:58.264. His Experts are 02:17.546 and 02:37.782 respectively, both with the Flame Flyer.

Choco Tracks

History:

Chocolate Island lies in the southeast of Dinosaur Land. It is not made up of Chocolate but rather called that because of its large brown mountains and bubbling hot mud that looks like the candy. Just as Vanilla Lake is named after its icy white colouring and not its actual substance, all the tracks on Chocolate Island are not actually chocolate. It is a sparsely populated region, full of wild animals and otherwise inhospitable living areas. Mario himself after exploring these worlds put forth the cash to build racetracks out of the mountains here, not to introduce economic stability to the area but rather in order to attract attention by including exotic locales for the Flower and Star Cups. He later sold these to Waluigi to cover a gambling debt he had with the Hammer Bros.

Super:

Choco Islands 1 and 2 are featured in SMK. They are difficult tracks with Piranha Plants lurking at curves and huge swaths of Mud to slodge through. Choco 1 leads off the Flower Cup and 2 is the Second Track in the Star Cup. The Star Cup is all about the exotic locales - along with these Muddy Mountains it brings us to the frosty Vanilla Lake and the sunny Koopa Beach. Choco Island 2 returns in DS in the Retro Cup whose ghost is Waluigi in the Zipper with a time of 1:01:620. Waluigi's association here really is probably just because this is a nasty, mean-spirited track, with no way of escaping mud. Grab a driver with excellent offroad and handling, probably someone light like Dry Bones or Peach.

These tracks also came back in Super Circuit, which recycled all of the courses from SMK. Instead of a 5-Track/4-Cup system though, it reshuffled the courses into a slightly more standard 4-Track/5-Cup system. Thus the ordering of the Choco Island tracks is a bit askew.

64:

The infamous "Chocolate Face."

It's interesting how indebted 64 is to SMK. Whereas many Kart games took courses from the most recent Mario game (Peach Beach, Luigi's Mansion, Maple Treeway are good examples), 64 didn't collect that much from Super Mario 64, instead they settled for spiritual successors to SMK tracks. Donut Plains became Moo Moo Farms, Vanilla Lake became Sherbert Land, Ghost Valley became Banshee Boardwalk and so on. There was no shortage of cool SM64 levels to choose from either. A Hazy Maze Cave Track could have been incredible.

Anyway, in this vein 64 transmogrified Choco Island into Choco Mountain. It again comes up in the Flower Cup. It's a cool track, but actually pretty difficult because the sides of the course often rub against a Mountain that doesn't immediately wreck your Driver but assuredly messes them up and slows them down if you hit it wrong. Likewise with all the jumps, one miscalculation and your driver is tumbling towards doom. There are also some intense turns, although no boiling mud this time around which is good. Handling is the key here again, someone a little crisper than the middleweights. I like Donkey Kong with a reliance on power sliding around the most intense lake turn.

This track also came back for the DS. The Ghost is Wario in the Dragonfly with a time of 2:15:571. Apparently the Choco Tracks have a Wario Bros. association, probably because they're the dirtiest, muddiest tracks around. It also may be some reference to their signature tracks being Dirt Stadums. After 64 we didn't see another Choco Track, probably because other Kart games relied more heavily on more recent Mario Games. Chocolate Island really only appeared in Super Mario World, after all.

Yoshi

History:

Yoshi Originated from Yoshi's Island, a part of Dinosaur Land discovered by Mushroom Kingdom Explorers in 1843. Yoshi's Island itself was not found until 1969 when a young Mario stumbled upon it during an early adventure. He found Yoshi there who knew no English but had a strong sense of loyalty and courage. Mario took Toshi as a pet and after Mushroom People introduced Shoes to the Island in 1975 the Yoshi Race warmly became an ally to them in the Wars Against the Dark Land. The Yoshis have no King or Leader but as Yoshi himself seems to be one of the only Dinosaurs who understands English, along with his strong relationship as a pet to Mario, an influential figure in the Court of the Mushroom Kingdom, he has emerged as their de facto Head of State.

Super:

Toasted, nicely toasted.

Yoshi was classified in SMK as "The Dino and the Lady" with stats identical to Princess Peach. He thus has comparable weight, this time in the Middle Class, along with very high acceleration, low speed and moderate handling. Yoshi's Kart History is a lot like Peach's actually. He has switched between Light and Medium Weight Classes as different games have called for it. The Rival Order for Yoshi, a system in SMK that determined who would finish where if Yoshi was in First Place was Koopa, DK Jr, Peach, Bowser, Mario, Toad, and Luigi. The Koopa rivalry may be some Reptile Feud. As a computer player Yoshi would sometimes throw Eggs, an ability human players did not have.

64:

Yoshi was again identical to Toad and Peach in this game. As a lightweight player he possessed great speed and acceleration but some sloppy handling and low weight, making him liable to getting knocked around. His signature course, Yoshi Valley, really had nothing to do with him but did feature a giant Egg. Which is cool. His kart was green. Yippee. Like Peach and Toad he's one of the better drivers in the game.

Super Circuit:

Super Circuit is one of the few games that really differentiated Yoshi. While Peach and Toad had great speed offset by very low weight, Yoshi only had slightly above average speed at the cost of being a bit bigger than the other two. This game also featured the Yoshi Desert, which would be the only Yoshi course ever not set someplace tropical.

Double Dash:

Double Dash wasn't focused so much on the Drivers as it was the Karts. Yoshi was bumped to a Middleweight here and his Kart, the Turbo Yoshi always kind of sucked. It has a low top speed for a Medium Kart, fair acceleration (10th Overall), but was very bouncy but with a tight turn speed. It's pretty heavy for a Medium Kart, only the Turbo Birdo is heavier, but it's Offroad speed was towards the bottom of the barrel. I think its biggest fault though was its width. It's just very difficult to dodge things, especially with its clunky handling.

This was of course also in the Birdo Era and she as Yoshi's strange girlfriend of some kind shared all the same stats and abilities save for the cosmetic difference that her Birdo Egg was pink. Yoshi's Green Egg was at equal times a good and poor Super Item. It was handy to get because it acted like a Red Shell and would seek out the Kart ahead. Upon hitting the Kart, it would break open revealing any number of items, sometimes a Star or a Mushroom. It's a double whammy to knock out the Driver ahead of you and then pick up the Star that falls out while you're in a high place. There was also the possibility though, that a shell, banana or even a Bob-omb would pop out, which is awful. Furthermore there's the possibility that the opponent hit would pick up the beneficial Item that popped out. Yoshi Egg is strange like that, it's always a risky Item, but also one of the only good ones to have when fighting for First Place from that Second or Third Position.

There are also Secret Staff Ghosts in Double Dash. Yoshi is in the Turbo Yoshi for both, first behind Birdo in Dry Dry Desert with a time of 1:50:755 and then with Birdo in tow during the Yoshi Circuit at 1:59:886. This continues Yoshi's Desert Association, although technically Birdo is the lead there.

DS:

DS gave each driver three individual Karts of varying statistics. The major difference between characters is weight, and Yoshi adds 0.5 to the weight of all his vehicles, making him bigger than Toad, Dry Bones, and Shy Guy but pretty lighter than Peach and Daisy. Generally each character has a Standard Kart with average stats, an exceptional Kart that has a weak Item Rating and a poorer Kart with an excellent Item Ranking perfect for the Grand Prix and Time Trials, where he or she starts with Three Mushrooms. Here are Yoshi's Stats:

As you can see, the Cucumber should be Yoshi's Grand Prix Kart and the Egg 1 should be used for Time Trials. It's also worth noting that like Peach again, Yoshi was downgraded to a Light Driver from his position as a Medium in Double Dash. He has quite a few Time Trial Ghosts with courses he's associated with. With the Egg 1 on Yoshi Falls he clocks in at 0:57:677, one of the shortest tracks in any Kart Game. There are Yoshi Ghosts on two Retro Tracks as well. Apparently he's the closest they could find for someone on Koopa Beach 2 from SMK, which is again a very short track at 0:54:847. He breaks from the Egg 1 to the Standard YS for the final Retro Track, the Yoshi Circuit from Double Dash at 1:48:793. Yosh is one of the only characters to have such a variety of tracks bear his name or association. They range from Deserts to Circuits to Jungles to deep Valleys, it's crazy how adaptable he is.

Wii:

In Wii each of the six available Karts and six available Bikes have their own very specific stats. Furthermore each Character adds certain bonuses to each Stat, making the game very unpredictable and customizable. Yoshi is back to being a Middleweight in this game and adds a bit of weight and drift to each of his rides, but a good amount of Offroad speed. After all, he's a wild animal, he belongs off the track. Here are the Yoshi-Specific Stats for each Vehicle in Wii:

Yoshi is most associated with the Classic Dragster, as it closely resembles his Cucumber from DS. He is also the promotional guy for the Turbo Blooper, though I can't figure out why. The Dragster is probably his best Kart. His Ghost rides in in Dry Dry Ruins in 02:30.949. The Dry Dry Ruins connection is there because it's the spiritual successor to both Dry Dry Desert and Toshi Desert. Yoshi also has a Ghost on the Retro Yoshi Falls in 01:16.461 with the Rapide. The Expert versions of these are 02:14.286 with the Nitrocycle and 01:09.175 with the Turbo Blooper respectively.

Bowser Castles

History:

Deep within the Koopa Kingdom, otherwise known as Dark Land the Castle of the Great Lord Bowser looms over all else. While the sky is in a permanent thunderstorm and the land is full of ash, dead trees and lava, the Keep is where Bowser extends his dominion. The Castle itself was erected in the Dark Ages, sometime around 600 CE. No one knows exactly when Bowser inherited it, it's actually more likely that he wrested control of it from its previous occupant sometime in the early 1970s and quickly slapped his name on it as well as plenty of statues and other signifiers of his Cult of Personality. although Bowser has continually modernized it, filling it with mechanical versions of himself and other fusions of technology and magic to make alive plenty of Danger. When Mario obtained the Mario Circuit in the late 1980s, Bowser was not to be undone. The first Circuit retrofitted throughout the Keep was completed in 1991 and with the massive Koopa Troop backing its construction and filling the venue it has never been unpopular, regardless of their actual opinions.

Super:

Bowser Castle 3, Pit of Despair

Bowser's Castle has the most incarnations of any Course in Mario Kart History, a nod to the excess and insanity of Bowser Himself. SMK has three versions of the track, all of which are the penultimate tracks in the first three Cups. Each Bowser Castle precedes a Mario Circuit. Each one features a stone raceway lying in a pit of lava. Not unlike the Ghost Tracks, there is no Offroading here. Even for the Mushroom Cup there are plenty of twists and turns, usually 90° and there are gaps in the track that necessitate a jump over lava in every Course. These tracks seem to be in the belly of the Castle, perhaps in the Deepest Pit so that the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom couldn't see what he was plotting upstairs. There are also attacking Thwomps. Ouch. All of these had another run in Super Circuit, although they were reformatted from the 5-Track/4-Cup system into a 4-Track/5-Cup one. All these tracks feature basically a series of linked straightaways connected by hairpin turns, which would favour the driving styles of Koopa or Toad.

64:

Bowser's Castle (note the changing possessive as we go along here) is the final Race in the Star Cup of 64. This time we're out of the basement and zooming all over the Castle, from the courtyard to a...Thwomp Prison of some kind, to a rickety Lava Bridge, a grand hall, another courtyard and finally the Castle Roof. Bowser seems to have infused his presence throughout the grounds, perhaps by some Dark Magic. His laugh may be heard echoing throughout the walls during the last lap or when a Drive gets a bit too close to his Statue.

This is a great course, it's a no brainer that it comes back in Wii as the Final Retro Course. It's actually the longest Retro Course, 64 was notorious for its long Races. The Normal Staff Ghost is Bowser, Jr who clocks in at 03:19.323 using the Standard Kart M. The Expert version uses the Nitrocycle in 02:55.933. This is a difficult course, there aren't many obvious straightaways to pick up speed, and there's enough danger around the 90° turns that handling is vital. Pick someone who has both Handling and Drift bonuses. And that would be...Mario? That works.

Super Circuit:

Super Circuit features even more Bowser Castles, one for every Cup but the Lightning Cup. This time Bowser Castle serves as the Final Race in Each except for the Special Cup wherein it's the penultimate track again. This has actually set a nice little trend - a Bowser Castle track has preceded Rainbow Road in each following game. The Thwomps return for all these tracks. Bowser Castle 1 seems to take place in the Bowels of the Keep again. Bowser Castle 2 is in some Great Hall with a massive statue of the Koopa King looming over the Racers. Bowser Castle 3 takes place on the roof, which is still across a giant lake of lava. It's possible that Bowser Castle 3 is some separate Courtyard on the Grounds in the Valley of Bowser. The Fourth and Final Bowser Castle in this game goes back into the Underground with some strange background that suggests some...Giant Fire Octopus or something. This is possibly the most complicated Bowser Castle Track up to this point. They usually actually tend to be relatively simple, just filled with tons of danger.

Bowser Castle 2 made a reappearance as a Retro Track in DS. The Staff Ghost is Bowser, obviously, in the Standard BW with a time of 1:52:258. Bowser Castle 3 came back for Wii, where the Normal Ghost is Dry Bowser in the Standard Kart L at 02:58.304, the Expert uses the Bowser Bike in 02:39.391. Finally and fittingly, Bowser Castle 1 came back in Mario Kart 7 with very little changes, and is also the only track from Super Circuit in the game. The Ghost here is back to Bowser where the Normal goes 01:31.030 using the Pipe Frame, Standard Wheels, and the Ghastly Glider, leaving much to be desired. The Expert goes 01:22.221 using the Koopa Clown, Roller Tires, and Super Glider, a far better combination, although for once Bowser is excelling at handling, not speed. It's interesting that these Super Circuit Tracks have been remade but nothing from SMK has made a subsequent appearance, outside of the Super Circuit redo.

Double Dash:

The Double Dash Bowser Castle is a doozy. It's again the penultimate course in the game and features racing through a Grand Hallway, Thwomp Danger, down to the deepest parts of the Castle and then up to the highest roof. Not content with a Statue of himself that breathed fire but didn't pose a threat to Racers in 64, the Giant Bowser Statue near the end of the course belches a constant stream of Fireballs at any slow-witted Driver here. There is also a vast moat of eery purple water, probably full of excess pollutants from the industrial sections of Dark Land as well as a continuous thunderstorm, tho no rain falls. It's most likely heat lightning due to all the industry and lava everywhere.

Double Dash had Secret Staff Ghosts for every track, one for each Initial Character as Lead Driver...except Bowser Jr. Shame. Anyway the Ghost here is Bowser/Bowser Jr in the Koopa King at 2:44:690. Like all the Castle courses, acceleration and handling are the keys to avoiding obstacles. I'd pick Boo Pipes, any lighter Kart is just going to get destroyed.

DS:

This game might get the prize for most ridiculous Bowser Castle. It is actually a basic loop with only a few smaller loops but there are some alternative paths, high and low, left and right as well as hardly any solid land at all. It has its drivers zooming across rotating metal cylinders, huge moving platforms and spinning rooms. Roughly the first half of the Race is indoors through another Thwomp Hallway and up some stairs. We don't see any dungeons here, most of the track flows through rooftops, courtyards and a gargantuan lake of lava outdoors. Find a Kart with weight enough not to doesn't bounce around and can get some speed to handle both all the jumps and the many straightaways. Perhaps Bowser himself in the Hurricane or DK in the Wildlife is the way to go. The Time Trial Staff Ghost here actually is Bowser again, this time in the Hurricane at 2:19:661.

Wii:

Bowser's Castle (are you paying attention to the possessive, yet?) for Wii is deceptively simple if one looks at the map alone. It seems like just two long corridors connected by some light turns, right? Neither straightaway can be properly taken advantage of - the first is a huge half-pipe with boosts and a giant fireball-breathing mechanical Bowser at the end of it. The second, which includes the starting point is full of lava geysers that swell and erupt at random. There's really an epic feel to this one, though. The hallways are massive and literally bend and shake as the Drivers fly through them. Most of it seems unlike the Bowels of Super Circuit or the Open Air of DS. It's very much directly the spiritual successor of the 64 Version. Actually only this and the 64 Version are called Bowser's Castle, hinting that these are the only ones he lives at. The rest are Bowser Castles, implying the name Bowser is a descriptor rather than a signifier of ownership. This is the only track that runs through a character's house, there has never been a Peach Circuit within Peach's Castle. I guess she just doesn't want tons of crazy Racers and Fans in her house. Bowser doesn't really care. This is definitely a Wii-influenced track, there is way too much craziness going on for this to be replicated on any other system the way, say, Moo Moo Meadows could have been. The carpet is also very nice.

The Normal Staff Ghost here is the Big Man, Bowser himself. He set a time of 03:04.836 in the Piranha Prowler, then the Expert did a 02:42.098 in the Bowser Bike. As such it's the second longest Original Track in the game (Rainbow Road's Ghost takes two seconds longer). There is one longer Retro Track though - the 64 Bowser's Castle.

These guys are brutal.

7:

Bowser's Castle returns as the penultimate course in Mario Kart 7. It uses much of the land, sea, and air travel that characterizes the game. It begins with a journey into the Dark Lord's mouth and then the paths split like they usually do, but this time both vertically and horizontally. There are plenty of Thwomps again, but this may be the most organic of any Bowser Castle. There are less hard angular turns and more caverns and wide paths, although bordered by lava. There aren't any courtyards or trees this time around, but there remains the enormous lava moat towards the end of the course as well as more mountainous terrain than has been seen previously. There's also a spinning tunnel reminiscent of the DS version. As far as length, it's the second-longest original track in the game to Rock Rock Mountain.

The Normal Time Trial Ghost here is again Bowser, who goes 02:34.815 using the Standard, Monster Tires, and Super Glider. The Expert switches to the Blue Seven, Red Monster Tires, and the Ghastly Glider in 02:15.244. This is a well-balanced option but still lacks Sea Speed. The same Kart with Roller Wheels can counter this without losing the high land speed he has.

8:

In 8 the version of Bowser's Castle is similar to the Wii version but everything is amped up. Everything is maxed out. Just look at the façade. There is this progression of the Bowser statue, too - in 64 there was a stationary statue in the first courtyard blowing fire that couldn't really hit you. In Double Dash there was a giant statue that moved left to right spitting fireballs during the last section of track. Wii had an enormous mechanical Bowser that would also spit fireballs, this time during a long half-pipe that eventually split. 8 features a fully animated half-stone / half-lava Bowser that punches the split anti-gravity track, causing it to wobble and yes, annihilate any forlorn racer caught in the way.

The entry way is also very similar to Wii, although it forgoes a split path (see: Twisted Mansion) but has many right angle turns down stairs that are really familiar. On the second lap it adds lasers though, you know, to stay on your toes. There are also tremendous vertical anti-gravity portions with jumps and fireballs and swinging pendulums. It ends with a bit of a cliffside portion that is really similar to any post-Double Dash Bowser's Castle, but also includes a significant air jump across a hazardous, lava-spewing lake. Good luck.

The Ghost here is Bowser, in the Badwagon with Standard Tires and the Super Glider, pulling in at 2:23.872. This is kind of a bizarre pick, not only does he avoid the Bowser Kite, which seems fitting, but the Badwagon is most useful as an underwater vehicle with decent traction. Bowser himself has always been designed around Speed without use for much else and something like the Sports Coupe and Monster Tires would seem more up his alley. Anyway, you can target these or plenty of other Karts to get a speedy edge on the Dark Lord.

Princess Peach Toadstool

History:

Peach is the last in a line of a long Royal Dynasty of Humans who have benevolently ruled over the Mushroom Kingdom for centuries. The House of Toadstool came into power in 1901 and after the death of Peach's Father in 1983 she has been the single Heiress to the Thrown. Why she hasn't become Queen Peach is a mystery, sources speculate it's due to a long standing issue of arrested development. During her reign security in the once-prosperous Kingdom has been laughable. Bowser the King of the Koopas and Lord of Dark Land has easily managed to penetrate her Castle's deepest chambers on many occasions and may have been able to terminate her and seize power if not for two things 1) His unrequited love of her and 2) The actions of the wealthy and influential Plumber-Adventurer Mario and his allies.

It is likely that while Peach is clearly infatuated with Mario she rebukes his attempts to win her favour and become the King of the Mushroom Kingdom. Perhaps Peach knows that he will be able to easily override her futile ruling efforts and become a great dictator.

Super:

In SMK each of the eight racers were separated into four distinct classes. Peach (known as Toadstool here) is statistically identical to Yoshi. Naturally the game called this pair "The Dino and the Lady." They possess the highest acceleration and lowest speed in the game but with average weight and handling. Peach always teetered between the Middle and Lightweight categories, mostly just for the benefit of any particular game - if it was running low on Lightweights she ended up there, if it had tons of Babies or Koopas, she became a Middleweight. The SMK Rival System, which ranked how other Racers would finish in conjunction to Peach was Bowser, Toad, Mario, DK Jr, Luigi, Yoshi then Koopa. The Bowser rivalry here is obvious, there are definitely some gulfs in that relationship.

64:

Peach is a pure lightweight here, with high top speed and acceleration, making her a ridiculously good choice for this game. She does slip out a lot and can get knocked around, but slightly less than Toad does. Toad just takes the Lightweight Class to the extremes, Peach barely holds back. This game also featured her Castle adjacent to her signature course, the Royal Raceway. It's the most accessible the Castle is in these games as well as one of the biggest Extra Easter Egg Areas anywhere. Her Kart is pink.

Why is she always terrified? Trying to drive in that dress?

Super Circuit:

Peach is slightly different in Super Circuit, more identical to Toad than Yoshi. She has a very high speed but no weight at all, making her liable to getting knocked around, but excellent for Time Trials and a Grand Prix where she can get out in front early. She hasn't stopped being one of the biggest teases on the Circuit, either. Especially in these early days when she was just the token useless chick, the boys all turned their heads. The Boys, the Apes, the...turtles. They all turned heads. She still got out in front though.

Double Dash:

Double Dash didn't rely as much on drivers besides their item and weight class, instead it focused on different Karts, that anyone in that class while paired with someone equal or smaller could drive. Peach was upped to a Middleweight here and her default Kart is the Heart Coach, which she shares with her default partner, Daisy. Around this time they had really started pairing Peach with Daisy as a buddy, which is cool but also makes Daisy a weird combination with anyone else anywhere. Anyway, I think the Heart Coach is one of the better Karts in the Game.

It has good shocks as well as the least speed lost during Turns. It has the 9th fastest Acceleration and 2nd among Medium Karts. It is one of the slower Medium Karts but its weight is 11th in the game, near perfectly average. Peach herself is decent, the Heart Item is one of the more unique in Double Dash. She creates two Hearts that circle the Kart and pick up any item that might be lying dangerously on the course. This is great defensively but works more to keep your position rather than advance it.

The Hearts are tricky. They will work on Bowser Shells and Giant Bananas, so if you're clumsy and like Bowser or Bowser Jr., he might be a good combo with Peach or Daisy. They also pick up stray Stars and Mushrooms, essentially wasting a Heart on something that would otherwise be beneficial to run over. Furthermore if both characters already have an item and you have a Heart activated and run over a third, the third is completely negated at the expense of one of the Two Hearts. This includes boosters like Stars and Mushrooms. Like I said, they're beneficial but tricky. It's also pretty rare to get on when out in first, and if you're in last they aren't going to boost you up. It is a nice middle of the pack Item that can help you avoid some nonsense as you surge ahead. There is no difference between Peach and Daisy in this game.

Double Dash also had Secret Staff Ghosts for each track, piloted by only the starting Characters and Karts. Peach appears on three different tracks. She drives the Heart Coach with Daisy in the backseat on Peach Beach in 1:20:404, Daisy takes over steering duties on her Daisy Cruiser for a time of 1:52:207. She also rides with Mario in his Red Fire on Rainbow Road in a time of 3:16:476.

DS:

Peach is back to being a Lightweight Driver in this game. DS featured a more individualistic approach to Karts, giving each Character three specific Karts of varying stats. The only difference between characters is weight, and Peach adds 1 to the weight of all her Vehicles, making her lighter than Mario and Luigi, but heavier than Yoshi, Toad, Dry Bones, and Shy Guy. Peach excels at drifting in all of her rides, which is useful for the more complicated curvy tracks. She also generally has pretty good acceleration although her Speed and Handling is terrible. In the hands of a good Player though Peach can be fearsome. Tricky Grand Prix can be won through acceleration and drift although she's not a great Time Trial candidate. Here are her Karts:

Her best is definitely the Light Tripper even with its lower Item Ranking. Despite this all three of Peach's Staff Ghosts use the Royale. She finishes Delfino Square in 1:54:601, Peach Gardens in 1:52:989 and the Retro Peach Circuit from Super Circuit in 1:12:011. It's interesting that both Delfino Square and Peach Gardens returned in Wii, though Peach isn't the Staff Ghost there in either of them.

Wii:

Wii really went nuts with the individualistic Vehicle Statistics. Each Size Class of Kart and Bike has its own stats and the Drivers themselves add certain additional bonuses to each as well. Peach is back in the Middle Class here and she again adds great drift and acceleration to all her Vehicles along with a slight boost in speed. Actually her bonuses roughly align with the same ones Toad receives. Here is a chart specifically tuned towards Peach's qualities:

I think her best Kart is the Classic Dragster and her best Bike is the Mach Bike. It's interesting that she has some kind of connection with Moonview Highway, her picture is plastered like LeBron James in the city and she also has a Staff Ghost on the track. Her Normal Ghost is 02:16.802 in the Standard Kart M, the expert uses the Mach Bike in 02:04.163. She also has a ghost on the Retro Peach Beach, the Normal of which is 01:34.233 in her signature ride, the Royal Racer. The Expert clocks in at 01:23.140.

Ghost Tracks

History:

The Mushroom Kingdom is full of strange Ghosts called Boos. It is thought that Boos originate from deceased souls who are unwilling to pass on. Once they become Boos though, the souls have no recognition of their past lives and instead form a unique race in itself, with a loose allegiance to their King, who very well may have been some Great Koopa who ruled centuries earlier. The Boos are powerful, as their souls are both Mushrooms and Koopas they have no exact allegiance to either side in the great war between the two races, although due to their naturally creepy appearance they tend to align themselves with the Koopa Hordes.

The Boo Woods are expansive and include many swamps and forests in addition to a few huge mansions that are now faded and decrepit. They were once some of the wealthiest areas of the Mushroom Kingdom but as the Boo Infestation grew and grew the Mansions became virtually unlivable. The wealth of the area is apparent due to the heavy number of lakes, piers and boardwalks that the Boos have converted to Race Tracks. They were once great fleets of Yachts and sailors that now lie in ruin and disrepair.

The Boos have always had an interest in racing though, and as uncontrollable as they are often do not stay in their seats during a race, instead floating around and laughing at the Drivers. They even allowed themselves to become Items before their leader, the King himself entered the Cups. Shortly after this, Luigi came into posession of a series of Derelict Mansions in the area. The Boos didn't take kindly to this, but they delighted in terrifying racers and generally screwing with everything, so King Boo allowed him to proceed.

Super:

The Infamous Ghost Valley 2

SMK featured Haunted Piers in the form of Ghost Valleys 1, 2 and 3. Ghost Tracks only appear in the Mushroom, Flower and Special Cups, and this game features a course in each. The tracks are notoriously difficult due to the sharp turns formed by the wooden planks and the fact that unlike tracks on solid land there is no Offroading - no room for error. It's actually so dark that it's not exactly clear if water exists in the lake bed anymore or if the Boos have just replaced it with an ever-growing darkness. All three of these tracks came back in Super Circuit which recreated the entirely of SMK although re-sorted its 5-Track/4-Cup system into a 4-Track/5-Cup system. Ghost Valley 2 also made a reappearance in Wii as a Retro Track. The Staff Ghost is King Boo, obviously, who raced a 01:06.595 in the Standard Kart L, but the Expert is an impressive 00:58.907 in the Torpedo.

64:

The penultimate track in 64 is Banshee Boardwalk, a course full of razor sharp turns, some long straightaways and a run-down shack full of Bats and graffiti, no doubt from some Mushroom Punk Kids hanging out on the wrong side of the harbour. It also features a giant Cheep Cheep that jumps over players, indicating that life in this part of the lake is actually sustainable. This track came back in the Retro Lightning Cup in DS. The Ghost is Dry Bones in the Dry Bomber with a time of 2:14:403. The Skeletal Koopa here is a bit more appropriate than his association with Donut Plains 1. With a good amount of bats and straightaways I might recommend a heavyweight here who isn't going to spin out as soon as there's a bit of danger. DK.

Super Circuit:

Boo Lake

The Ghost Trend continued in Super Circuit, adding Boo Lake as the second track in the Flower Cup, the same position as Ghost Valley 2, and Broken Pier in the Special Cup, tho not the penultimate track.Boo Lake is very similar to other Ghost Tracks, its got the wooden path, the mysterious Black Lake and a horizon full of twisted trees and run-down mansions, implying that it takes place indeed in the Boo Woods. Broken Pier is a bit more interesting. The track is wooden, but much less straight, full of all these jagged, crumbly turns. It's also clearly not in any woods but seems to be in a lake over some High Creepy Mountains. These definitely aren't the mountains of the DK Jungle, nor do they really look like the ones surrounding Grumble Volcano. It's all part of the mystery and creepiness that pervades these courses.

DS:

There are no original Ghost Tracks in Wii, nor any at all in Double Dash. DS has Luigi's Mansion though, which breaks with the "Haunted Dock" tradition but still features Boos and some swamplands. There isn't doubt that this track was created more from the Boo's Love of Racing rather than Luigi's Intervention. It's a relatively long track, even for being the closer of the Mushroom Cup. There are swampy muddy patches, walking trees, Boos and some long wide patches of raceway. Luigi is the Staff Ghost with the Streamliner at 1:59:357. A good Offroader is necessary, someone light who doesn't falter in the mud. Toad's Mushmellow is up.

This comes back in 7 with some jumps to incorporate the Air travel possibilities of the game along with some dangerous Boos popping our of walls but other than that it's very similar to DS. The Staff Ghost here again is Luigi. The Normal uses the Gherkin, Slim Wheels, and Super Glider in 02:09.982. The Gherkin is pretty awful and this shouldn't be a problem. The Expert, however, uses the Egg 1, Monster Tires, and Parafoil in 01:58.539 , which is much more potent considering both its land speed and off-road capabilities. Stick on the path and cut the corners quicker with anything that has better handling and get the win.

8:

Twisted Mansion is very similar to Luigi's Mansion, although much more of it takes place within the mansion rather than the grounds outside. Its entrace is actually most similar to Wii's Bowser's Castle, with its split carpeted paths that swirl up and down, though naturally here they are actually on the walls and provide the first of many anti-gravity sections here. The turns are brutal from there and involve a good amount of right angles in an ethereal water section where a giant wall of water is prevented from spilling into the rest of the mansion by some unholy force.

After that there is a brief air jump and then some Boos hidden in Statues that smash racers in the one section pretty similar to most of Luigi's Mansion. The Staff Ghost is Luigi, who is really the go-to creepy dude whenever a game doesn't have King Boo. He pulls a 2:16.195 using the Mach 8, Slim Tires, and and Super Glider. That's an exceptional combo, but will falter a little in anti-gravity and especially in water. Something like the Tri-Speeder may give you an edge during those underwater sections without sacrificing too much anti-gravity speed.